A Dream That Haunts Me

On July 28, 2016 By HeidiIn Blog2 Comments

Reoccurring dreams. I had one last night. This is a new one, by which I mean in the last fifteen years or so. Not from my younger years. It never finishes and always leaves me uneasy. I also don’t remember all of it. They say that dreams can be your subconscious trying to figure something out that is bothering you or you’ve put on the back burner and now it has time to mull it over. I’m not sure with reoccurring though. I did have one that was rather disturbing that I had through my teen years. It was always the same, bloody, stressful with an ending that left me exhausted and haunted even after I woke up. There was a person, male, that was what I would call one of the leaders, but his face was never clear so I never knew who he was. It was not until I actually met that person (Yes, you read that right. Met. Not already knew.) when I was nineteen that the dream finally stopped haunting me. How I knew was because I had the dream one last time and the face was finally clear. I actually have that one written down somewhere.

The one I had last night is not as bloody, but it was stressful. I am seeing through someone else’s eyes. So it is me, yet it is not, living through this dream. We are in danger. Someone, or ones, are wanting something that we have. A person that can change the tide if they capture him or her. I know who it is, even though I don’t think I’m suppose to. The people in control don’t know I know, and that in itself is a danger. We are crowded in a room that looks a lot like Greek ruins, with stadium like seating but small. I see a male seated up towards the top that I recognize and there is a very strong connection, yet I don’t want him to know I am there. We lock eyes but there are too many between us so we are stuck where we are. I try not to make eye contact again, ignoring him, but I feel his eyes on me. This is not good because if the wrong person notices that will bode ill for us.

We are in water. The channel that is in between the island where I have a cabin and the next so it is familiar, but the water is smooth, calm, no current. Almost like a lake. There are many of us and we are in the middle treading water. It is warm. The first time through the dream (I went through it many times because it never resolves itself, looping at the end over and over until I finally wake up in an attempt to get out of it, only to fall back into it) there are shark fins and we all scramble to get to shore before someone is attacked. The second, or third, I’m not sure, time I keep waiting for the fins, but none come. It makes me even more nervous because I don’t know what will come next. By now I know it’s a dream so I try to change it, make it do what I want. It doesn’t work.

Then it switches to a room. At least I think it is a room. This is where the dream keeps looping and blurs together, never ending, never clear and never going the way I think or want it to go. It’s very frustrating. That male that was in the beginning is there along with others, although he seems to keep to the shadows, always watching. There is some arguing, people telling me that I can’t have what I want and I refuse to listen. Trying again and again to make it right because they are wrong. They have to be wrong.

I woke tired, confused and frustrated because it would not end. Until it does I don’t think it will ever stop haunting me. There is more, but the images keep slipping through my fingers as I try to remember them. Now it is mostly feelings and knowing that it is not over. It may never be over.

My Favorite form of Torture

On April 3, 2016April 3, 2016 By HeidiIn Blog2 Comments

I know. It sounds ominous, but really it’s not. There might be a couple more, but this one I have partaken in recently. My favorite, or at least one of them, form of torture is puzzles. I love putting puzzles together. I have to be careful when I start them though, because once the bag is open and the pieces are on the table nothing much else gets done.

Usually I buy one every Christmas. I wait until the house is ready for company and then the bag is open. This way I can share my fun with my family. This includes my boys, husband, sister, her family and my parents. It’s very hard to walk by a table with an unfinished puzzle and not look at it. Then you find that one spot that screams “This will be easy!” and spend the next ten minutes looking for that one piece. From there it’s usually down hill. With this last one it was late in the night, I get up around 5:30 am and if I don’t get my sleep I’m useless the next day. So finally I had to reach over and just turn the light off. If I can’t see it, I can’t do it.

This year was a bit different. I bought the puzzle, but was unable to open it because we were working on the house. Had to put the new flooring in so the dining room had something more than plywood. Kind of hard on the bare feet in the morning. So the puzzle was not opened until a few weeks ago.

My youngest helped me some. He actually likes puzzles to a point. My husband told me if I needed the “Puzzle Master” just let him know. This means when I get down to the last five pieces that he is willing to come in and finish it for me. *rolls eyes* So the fun begins.

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Usually the puzzle is 1000 pieces. Otherwise they are done too soon and so is the fun. Everyone has their way of doing puzzles. Some put the same colors in the same pile, others just make sure the pieces are all turned upright. I like to start on the border. Sometimes that works, sometimes I have to move on to another section and work on it for a while. This one was one I had to do the latter. But finally the boarder was done along with a couple of the main pieces.

I do cheat a little. If there are pieces that are still hooked together when I open the package I keep them together. A little help from the manufacture never hurt. 😉

So about a week and a half later, with the only thing getting done when I was home from work was laundry and dinner, the puzzle is done.

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My son helped me with the last. It became a race to see who would find the next piece and then who would put the last in. I put the second to the last in and started to look for that finishing piece. It was no where to be found. Frowning I looked at my son who was grinning like the Cheshire Cat as he reached down to the hand that was on his lap and pulled the last piece of the puzzle from it. The little twit (edited for those younger ears) had hidden it so he was the one to put it in! Grrrrr!

Usually by the time I’m done with the “Christmas” puzzle I am good until next year. Apparently it is not so this year. While I will keep this puzzle on the table for a week or so, I have bought my next one. This time it is 1500 pieces. Oye! It will wait though. Even though I have this week off for spring break, I have a lot of yard work to do. If I open the puzzle that won’t get done. So maybe later in the summer. Here is a sneak peak of what new torture I have designed for myself. I think this one is going to take me awhile.

A Little Bit about Broken Promises

On January 30, 2016 By HeidiIn Blog, Uncategorized2 Comments

Lately it seems that the story I have dubbed Broken Promises had been pushing at me to work on. It shows in the latest flash fiction and free writes I have been doing. Kara, Caius and Tanis keep speaking to me, (well yelling actually) asking me to pay attention to them. Aden has been silently waiting in the background, yet his presence it very much there. Out of the four, I would say Aden has the most patience. It’s probably because his presence is so powerful that he doesn’t have to say anything. You just know what he wants. The problem? I’m suppose to be working on Fated to Be! It’s very frustrating.

A little background I think is needed for this particular story. As I have said in my little excerpt about myself, my 8th grade teacher would put something on the board that we were to put in a journal and then write about. One day she put a small paragraph about a forbidden forest and a twig snapping in the quiet. I really wish I still had the original passage, but over the years I have modified it to the point the idea is there if not the exact words.

So I wrote this paragraph down and for some strange reason I could not stop writing. That early draft was all fan-fiction. I took my favorite TV shows from the 70’s (yes I am that old) and mixed them together in my own plotline. At the time it was easier to use characters and actors I knew and just write the plot, such as it was, because I had them firmly in my mind. So I would put into words the movie that was playing in my mind as best as a 14 year-old could up through high school. It was a story that never ended and anything could happen. There were no limits.

That particular rendition of Broken Promises ended up being over 700 HAND WRITTEN pages long. Unfortunately most of it was in pencil and so over time faded. I eventually had to recycle the papers because I could not read what was on them. I cried that day. I remember most of it, and let me tell you my teenage mind had some….. interesting ideas. Somewhere in there I started writing other stories with the first rendition of Obsession being in there, but that is another story for another day. With my memory probably one I have already talked about. lol

Broken Promises was a sort of Sci-Fi slash fantasy slash contemporary romance all rolled into one. When I found it in a cupboard and started to read what was left, I thought that there was a story in there somewhere that I could make all mine. I also thought with some of the scenes and they way they were written (remember I was 14 when I started), “OMG this is scary. What was I thinking! Gah! How embarrassing!” So I began rewriting, changing names of characters and places as I went. (Rewriting those scenes as an adult had much more experience in 😉 ) As per my usually way of writing, it has gone through many many rewrites and changes since then. I think I have something that might be publishable, but it’s not quite ready and I don’t have an ending I am satisfied with. The other problem I’m wrestling with is the storyline starts in the middle. I have tried to go back and rewrite the beginning, but I always get stuck. I think it’s because I am trying to update the time and place and end up going so far off what was originally written my characters balk.

So about Broken Promises. Well the Sci-Fi part is pretty self explanatory. Space, aliens, advance technology species, backwards planets, etc. The fantasy part is more that I have made up my own rendition of how the universe keeps spinning. I have another story called Angels and Demons that was started because of a free write I was participating in. As most writers have had happened, it was a picture or sentence that took on a life of its own. I have since renamed it Forever Lost, for obvious reasons. Angels and Demons was already taken in a big way. In some ways the basis for this story is the same. My version of how the universe started and how it remains still spinning today. A constant battle between good and evil (two males) over the glue (a female) that keeps everything together that has spanned time and space since the beginning. I’m starting to think that maybe the characters of Broken Promises were trying to find there footing in another way since I was ignoring them. Although the place and events are different. Both of these story are borderline horror. The atrocities the characters go through are events only immortals could survive, and sometimes not even then. A cycle that not even death can stop because they are reborn only to begin it again.

Maybe after I finally have Fated to Be published I will go back and look at Broken Promises again. Maybe finally finish it. Although I think this is a Kindle only book and my mom won’t be helping me edit it. I have scandalized her enough with the Destiny series. LOL

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

Heidi

Best Laid Plans & Exciting News

On January 21, 2016 By HeidiIn Blog, Uncategorized9 Comments

I was reading through my blogs to see what it was I had written in my promise to myself that I would write everyday. What I found was, I was right. I really don’t have a lot to say. There were a few idea, a poem or two, little bit of creative writing, but for a day to day blog I don’t know how people do it. So I guess it’s back to when the feeling hits me whether it’s a blog or poem or short story I will post. And you know what? That’s okay. 🙂

I do have some exciting news. At least it is for me. I finally have the first proof in book form of my new novel! YEAH! Earlier I had posted on the Destiny series page a link to the prologue and part of the first chapter. As per my usual M.O., after posting what should have been set in stone, I have now decided that it will not work and have written a completely new one. As soon as I’m happy with it I will post it. As for now, all I have to give is the cover of my new book, Fated to Be. This is the second book of my series Destiny.

I’m not sure exactly when it will be published because as I am editing I am also working. Kind of cuts into my editing time. I also want to remind you that this is the FIRST proof. I’m sure there will be a couple more before I am happy with it. I will say it will be sometime this spring or summer. When I get closer I will let you know. Until then, here is the cover!

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Well, it is time for bed. Have a wonderful evening and a great rest of the week. It’s almost Friday!! 😀

When the idea hits…WRITE IT DOWN!

On December 12, 2015December 12, 2015 By HeidiIn Blog2 Comments

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I’ve been told and have told others that when you think of something to write, write it down right away. Do I listen? Not all the time, I’m afraid. Today was one of those days that I did not listen. In my defense I was not really in a place or time where I could write something down. But I should have at least jot a few notes in my phone that would remind me. I have this free app called Notes. I keep my shopping lists, which movies I have and want to buy, poems, even book edits. I also have a list of food that I have to get when I go up to Anacortes from this wonderful deli called Gere-a-Deli that if I don’t bring home I get the evil eye from my family. I’ll tell you about that little gem in another blog.

I carry a small journal in my purse, I have one in my backpack that I carry around work, I have a pad of paper in the nightstand next to my bed. I even have a small pad in my car. I’ve used them all numerous times. But almost just as many times I haven’t. Like I said before, there are times where I just can’t jot those ideas down because of where I am at and what I am doing. The police do frown upon writing while driving just as much as texting while driving. Still… if you are an aspiring writer please, please, please, even if it’s only a few words to jog your memory, WRITE SOMETHING DOWN!

On that note, while writing this I remembered what it was I was wanting to say earlier. I’ll use it for my blog for tomorrow, which I will jot down a few notes down now so I won’t forget.

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

To Blog or Not to Blog

On December 9, 2015December 9, 2015 By HeidiIn Blog2 Comments

For a while now, I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to do a Blog. To be honest, I don’t think my life is that eventful. I wake up, I work, I eat and I sleep. Pretty much the life of most people I would say. So what is so special about my life that I need to shout it out to everyone? I don’t even have strong political views, and to be honest I make it a rule not to get involved in those conversations because it usually ends up in an argument that has no end and no real solution. Same with religion. You have your views, I have mine. They may coincide with each other, they may not, but why take the risk of that argument when someone may decide they don’t want to have anything to do with me. I mean, aren’t we made up of more than our political and religious feelings? I would hope so.

So back and forth I go. Blog. Don’t Blog.

I decided that I would start with my gardening. Talk about some of the projects I’m doing. Show how they are progressing. It worked pretty well, as long as I was gardening. Then spring is over and all that is really left is the maintenance and cave troll expeditions. (Which reminds me. I have a couple I need to route out still. Nasty little beasties!) We have done some other things around the house, but then again do you really want to know about them? I haven’t even Facebooked them to my family and friends because, why?

After reading one of my favorite author’s Blog posts today and how she started out with her Blog, I decided I would try this Blog thing out. Take it for a ride outside of spring time and see how it goes. What will I Blog about? I’m not sure yet. Definitely I will talk about my books and how the next one (Fated to Be) is going. I also am going to try to write once a day. (We’ll see how that goes.) It may be be a Blog or some flash fiction or poem. Just some sort of writing each day. Please bear with me. Where I do like to talk when I become comfortable around others, at first I am a very shy person as I test the waters to see what works and what does not. Then again I tend to stick my foot in my mouth. It really can be a no win situation. LOL

Well, that’s it for now. Because of power outages, our schools are out for the day so I now have time to edit and do a few things around the house. Mostly edit because I am so behind in that department.

Have a wonderful day, and hopefully I will see you all tomorrow. 🙂

To See What I See

Tag: Blog