No Words

There are no words
no thoughts
no actions
that could convey
the depths of my feelings.
Only you can understand
because only you
can see
can feel
can know
me.
-Brynn & Kara

Copyright © 2017 Heidi Barnes

I don’t know if Kara’s story will ever be published, but for the moment it is at the forefront of my mind. For now I suppose it will be told through poems.

Loss Overwhelming

my feet drag
words will not
come
I am lost
wandering aimlessly
a shell
eyes refuse to
focus
I don’t know how
to go on
the ground
is my bed
hard
unforgiving
cold
I don’t know how
to breathe
reaching out
touching
air
curled around myself
I give in
there is no end
only pain
only vast
everlasting
emptiness

Copyright © 2017 Heidi Barnes

A Little Bit about Broken Promises

 

Lately it seems that the story I have dubbed Broken Promises had been pushing at me to work on. It shows in the latest flash fiction and free writes I have been doing. Kara, Caius and Tanis keep speaking to me, (well yelling actually) asking me to pay attention to them. Aden has been silently waiting in the background, yet his presence it very much there. Out of the four, I would say Aden has the most patience. It’s probably because his presence is so powerful that he doesn’t have to say anything. You just know what he wants. The problem? I’m suppose to be working on Fated to Be! It’s very frustrating.

A little background I think is needed for this particular story. As I have said in my little excerpt about myself, my 8th grade teacher would put something on the board that we were to put in a journal and then write about. One day she put a small paragraph about a forbidden forest and a twig snapping in the quiet. I really wish I still had the original passage, but over the years I have modified it to the point the idea is there if not the exact words.

So I wrote this paragraph down and for some strange reason I could not stop writing. That early draft was all fan-fiction. I took my favorite TV shows from the 70’s (yes I am that old) and mixed them together in my own plotline. At the time it was easier to use characters and actors I knew and just write the plot, such as it was, because I had them firmly in my mind. So I would put into words the movie that was playing in my mind as best as a 14 year-old could up through high school. It was a story that never ended and anything could happen. There were no limits.

That particular rendition of Broken Promises ended up being over 700 HAND WRITTEN pages long. Unfortunately most of it was in pencil and so over time faded. I eventually had to recycle the papers because I could not read what was on them. I cried that day. I remember most of it, and let me tell you my teenage mind had some….. interesting ideas. Somewhere in there I started writing other stories with the first rendition of Obsession being in there, but that is another story for another day. With my memory probably one I have already talked about. lol

Broken Promises was a sort of Sci-Fi slash fantasy slash contemporary romance all rolled into one. When I found it in a cupboard and started to read what was left, I thought that there was a story in there somewhere that I could make all mine. I also thought with some of the scenes and they way they were written (remember I was 14 when I started), “OMG this is scary. What was I thinking! Gah! How embarrassing!” So I began rewriting, changing names of characters and places as I went. (Rewriting those scenes as an adult had much more experience in 😉 ) As per my usually way of writing, it has gone through many many rewrites and changes since then. I think I have something that might be publishable, but it’s not quite ready and I don’t have an ending I am satisfied with. The other problem I’m wrestling with is the storyline starts in the middle. I have tried to go back and rewrite the beginning, but I always get stuck. I think it’s because I am trying to update the time and place and end up going so far off what was originally written my characters balk.

So about Broken Promises. Well the Sci-Fi part is pretty self explanatory. Space, aliens, advance technology species, backwards planets, etc. The fantasy part is more that I have made up my own rendition of how the universe keeps spinning. I have another story called Angels and Demons that was started because of a free write I was participating in. As most writers have had happened, it was a picture or sentence that took on a life of its own. I have since renamed it Forever Lost, for obvious reasons. Angels and Demons was already taken in a big way. In some ways the basis for this story is the same. My version of how the universe started and how it remains still spinning today. A constant battle between good and evil (two males) over the glue (a female) that keeps everything together that has spanned time and space since the beginning. I’m starting to think that maybe the characters of Broken Promises were trying to find there footing in another way since I was ignoring them. Although the place and events are different. Both of these story are borderline horror. The atrocities the characters go through are events only immortals could survive, and sometimes not even then. A cycle that not even death can stop because they are reborn only to begin it again.

Maybe after I finally have Fated to Be published I will go back and look at Broken Promises again. Maybe finally finish it. Although I think this is a Kindle only book and my mom won’t be helping me edit it. I have scandalized her enough with the Destiny series. LOL

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

Heidi

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

Bits-N-Pieces: Broken Promises – Free Write #25

a-sea-of-stars1

Source: Unknown

Out there, somewhere, was my freedom. I didn’t know how it would come, or when, just that it would. How many years had I been trapped here, trying to escape a destiny I did not want. Too many. I wanted to leave in the worst way, but they would find me if I did. That was the last thing any of us wanted, because if they found me they would find them and then all the years of fighting, of searching for the answer that would free us would have been wasted. I had to wait here and be patient like I was asked me to.

So I sat here, night after night staring out into the dark sky that held my freedom and waited.

A voice whispered in the night at the edge of my conscious, begging me to listen. The harder I strained the more the words slipped away. A sudden foreboding consumed me. Something was not right. I stood, the blanket that I had wrapped around me to ward off the early spring chill pooled in the dirt at my feet. They had found me! How I had no idea because this planet was well protected with a strange anomaly that was part of the middle of the universe. A left over of the beginning of time, this planet was hidden from view from every known technology and from those that created it. A rare find in such a vast space.

Finally the words became clear, the voice so familiar, so much a part of me, that it made my knees week with longing. There was only one word and I heeded it without question.

“Run!”

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is for a Free Write I participate in called Writing Outside the Lines. Go have a look and see if any strike your fancy and give it a try. It’s a lot of fun and helps clear your mind of the words that are bouncing around your head so you maybe can focus a little better. 🙂