My Minds Chaos

I see roses,
I see pants,
I see so many things
running through my head.
When will it stop?
When will it end?
When will I find
peace again?
Inner dialogue,
ranting, raving,
never a moments peace
never the light at the end.
Pushing, prodding
begging to be let loose,
but what will people think?
What will they say?
When they hear my thoughts
in complete disarray.
I don’t know how.
I don’t know when.
These thoughts of mine
will end,
or begin.
I should focus,
try to stay sane,
for there are words
that should never be said.
I try and try
with all my might
to end this reign
of terror that is my plight.
For those who understand
these words I share,
I wish you well
your soul respite.

© 2015 Heidi Barnes

Words, words, words…..

Words, words, more words

Tumbling around in my head.

Begging to be written

Begging to be said.

How do I sleep

Think, eat

With all these words

Battling to escape?

Help me to find

A way to set them free,

Help me find

Peace, serenity.

I Reach for the Sky

I stretch towards the sky
The unattainable just out of reach.
I do not give up nor turn back
For the lessons I learn I will teach.
I hear the naysayers,
Their poison thick in the air.
Dragging me down into the depths of despair.
I claw and scrape
Trying to escape
The darkness below that suffocates.
Craving the light where the song birds fly
The warmth of the sun
The blue of the sky.
Seeds are sown
The roots run deep
I don’t know how
To earn my keep
The end is near
Please do not weep
For peace will find me
When I finally sleep.

~ Copy Write 2015 Heidi Barnes

 

 

 

Drums Beating in the Night

Drums beating in the night
Thrumming through the walls
Beating in time with my heart
Strengthening duty’s call.
Drums beating in the night
Heralding enemy untold
Striking dread into the soldiers
Telling of death that waits to unfold.
Drums beating in the night
Pounding in time with steel and might.
Drums beating in the night
When sudden silence speaks
In the dawn we will fight.
To go into history
Brave and valiant soldiers be
To save loved ones
To assure they are free
From those who’s beliefs and might
Give them convictions blight
That only their ways are virtuous and precise.
That those who stray
From path straight and true
Need to be punished
For thoughts deemed impure.
Drums beating in the dawn
Earth shattering, strong.
The battle begins
In a war no one will win.
Drums beating in the dawn
When will the madness end?
When will we put down our swords
And put peace into living words?

~ © 2015 Heidi Barnes

 

Stray Thoughts

Stray thoughts invade
all focus lost
scattered to the winds.
Fog descends
moonlight wans
misty trails like skeletal limbs.
Whispered voices
reaching towards me
beckoning me in,
“Step into the darkness
where secrets lie
and the forbidden is
no longer a sin.
Come play with us
till dawn light wins.
Come play within
your darkest dreams.”

~ © Heidi Barnes

Why, When, Who, What….

I ask you why
You say goodbye
I ask you when
You say it’s a sin
I ask you who
You say it’s all hullabaloo
I ask you what
You say tut tut
I ask you where
You say love is in the air
When I only stare
You whisper if there was only time to spare

~ Heidi Barnes

 

Silent Pleas

Are you strong
when you solder on
through agony so deep
it should bring you to your knees?
To keep smiling
even though inside you are dying,
so those who surround you
have sanity in chaos to cling on to.
What they don’t realize
is when you are alone and hidden
that grief kept under wraps
breaks out and your knees collapse.
Greif and agony
washing over, through, surrounding
your soul screaming,
your heart breaking
chaos reigning.
Stay strong
stay silent
break wrong
no longer valiant.
I feel your pain
hear your silent pleas,
help me bear this grief
before I lose all belief.

~ © Heidi Barnes

When Do You Say…Enough.

When is it too much? When do you finally say enough? Some people’s threshold is very high, reaching for the heavens and above. “They have the patience of a saint,” people would say. Others are so low not even Lucifer in his realm can find it, settling in the deep core of the earth to simmer and burn. All it takes is a look or maybe one certain person walking into the room and their patience is gone, flying out the window as if the very demons of hell were nipping at its tail.

There are situations where walking away can be the most difficult act you will ever play. The one that not only will affect your life, but those around you that you thought you loved and those you still do. How do you change your life without destroying theirs? Yet if you don’t change, won’t your life be destroyed? How do you betray those who depend on you in order to keep what little sanity you have left by leaving them in the frozen wasteland that has become life? Or the scalding desert that has become your hell? What is that final act that forces you to say “I have had enough” and you walk away, never to look back.

How many people can you save by saying “No more” to the demon who possesses the power to harm those around them? How many will you sacrifice to end the misery? Strengths come in many levels, many ways. The strength to keep going, to fight that which yearns to destroy everything you hold dear. The strength to say “Enough” and walk away to live, to breathe, another day.

Some say those who refuse to step out of the darkness that has become their lives, that stay and just endure are cowards. Are they? Just because they see no way out. That the demon that holds their life in its hands has every exit sealed shut with vicious words and violence promised to those they love, or to them if they dare to seek the light. Maybe they have been beaten so far down that there is no strength left to fight for what most of us take for granted. Freedom to think and choose for ourselves. Freedom to say, “Enough.”

~ © Heidi Barnes

Believe

Do you feel it?
Just there,
that faint stirring
in the air.
A whispered touch
a subtle stare,
with no one to listen.
No one is there.
All around us
fairies, angels , spirits
watching over all
nature, human, beast.
I pray one day you can see
the beauty veiled in secrecy.
All you need to do
Is open you mind
and believe.