Forever Lost – Chapter 15

Chapter 15

After stopping by the living room to pick up Adalrik and Quinn, Talon led Sapphira through a maze of tunnels that went steadily upwards until they reached a large cave. Walking out onto the cave’s ledge she gaped at the vista before her. Jagged edges of mountain tops as far as the eye could see. The sky a clear blue with a few scattered clouds in the distance. The warmth of the sun beating down on her was gentled by a cool breeze. If she had a picture of the perfect day hanging on her wall, this would it.

The need to stretch her wings, to soar in the open sky, feel the wind on her face through her feathers filled her with longing, but years of hiding what she was, who she was, was not easy to shake. Yes, the angels with her had spent many human lifetimes protecting her from danger; it still did not mean she could trust them. The only ones she could truly trust were her mother and Damien. Even though her heart argued she could trust Gideon, that little voice inside her questioned his love and loyalty to her. Especially after he had pulled away from her in the reception room. Why would he do that?

“Careful, Princess,” Talon cautioned next to her. “It’s a long ways down, and if I let you fall Gideon would make the rest of my existence very unpleasant.” When she looked up at him, he could see the question in her eyes, the hurt. “He doesn’t understand and he’s in pain. Give him some time. Show him that even though he considers himself half a man that you still love him.”

“How do you know what I’m thinking?” she asked suddenly defensive.

“Because I see the way you look at him,” Talon smiled. “And I know how fiercely protective he is of you. When we were in Hell and he saw you surrounded by those demons.” He shuddered. “I would not want to be at the end of his sword.” He hesitated.

“What?” Sapphira asked.

“You were his ward, his human to protect. Now that the spell is broken and your powers are returning things are different, and we don’t know how much your father told him about you. Lucifer is one of our greatest enemies. Falling in love with his daughter will not go over well with our boss, and I’m rather certain your father will blow a gasket.

“They used to be friends, you know. Gideon and your father. When Gideon saw the path Lucifer was taking, he tried to talk him out of it. Even went to earth with him in an attempt to stop him. Finally Gideon broke all ties. It wasn’t easy. They were like brothers, but to lose his place in heaven was not worth the love of a human. At least it wasn’t at the time,” Talon smiled when he saw pain flicker through Sapphira’s eyes. “When the powers that be tried to…coerce Gideon into betraying his friend, he refused. Still, Lucifer swore vengeance when he saw Gideon standing in the crowd watching as he was cast out. We found out later that there were those who told Lucifer that Gideon had betrayed him. Ever since then Gideon never trusted easily. Even now there are those of us who surround him he does not entirely trust.”

“He trusts you,” Sapphira countered with a soft smile.

The smile she received did not erase the sadness in his eyes. “It was hard won and the cost was great. But I would not trade his trust or friendship for anything…or one.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” Sapphira assured quietly, unable to meet his eyes.

“You don’t, but you cannot promise you won’t.” There was no condemnation or anger in those words. Talon knew as well as Sapphira that her life was not her own, and there were many out there who wanted to either control it, or end it. Sapphira did not want to bring anyone down with her, especially those she loved.

Pushing those unpleasant thoughts aside, she closed her eyes, let her breath out slowly and concentrated. She would find her brother first then figure out where to go from there. Reaching out she searched for something familiar. Something that was Damien. There were those of their kind who could feel another’s power, know when one of them was close by. Know whether they were angel, demon or some other supernatural being. Within all the realms there were many creatures of power. But twins were special. They felt each other’s emotions, each other’s pain. Because of this, Sapphira and Damien had learned long ago how to shield from each other. If one became injured, the other would not be able find them because they felt the injury just as intensely. That, in turn, would incapacitate the twin. What little Sapphira had felt told her Damien was in bad shape and very weak. Only because of the horrors of their childhood was Damien able to hold that shield in place so Sapphira had a chance to find him.

Then she felt him. It was barely a whisper, but it was enough.

“There!” she pointed towards the east where a lone mountain stood taller than the rest. “On a ledge on that peak.”

“The Wards do not reach that far and to remain safe you must stay within them, so we cannot take you with us, Princess,” Talon said as his wings flexed out. Loghan, Adalrik and Quinn unfurled their wings from where they hid them and leaped off the edge, soaring towards where she had directed. God, she wanted to follow them, but her secret must be kept a little while longer. “Please help me stay in one piece by staying here, in one piece,” Talon implored.

“I’ll stay here,” Sapphira grudgingly agreed.

“That’s a good girl.”

And then he was following the others. Sapphira only hoped they would make it in time. Damien’s power was not the only thing lurking in the mountains, and what she felt was immense and not happy to be disturbed.

*  *   *

As Damien lay on the narrow ledge trying to catch his breath, the random thought that it was quite warm for so high up in the mountains cleared his head from the pain. Grabbing on to it, he concentrated on how good the sun felt, how different it was from the heat of his home realm. The beings of worlds like this one really did not understand how well they had it. The fresh air, amazing blue skies, colors not seen through the red haze that was a constant of his birth place. If he could, he would stay here, but there were those who would hunt him down to either take him back to his father for the hefty bounty on his head, or use him to lure his sister into a trap. Then again, he did not have many friends. He had spent too many centuries wreaking havoc in this realm as an outlet for his frustration of not being able to fight back when his father took his rage out on him.

After he recovered, he would come here, get the attention of the angels – the only other creatures he deemed worthy opponents – and burn off some of his frustration, hone his skills. Honestly he was surprised his father had not heard of his exploits. It was not as if Damien had kept his name a secret. One would think he wanted his father to know how powerful he was.

Then the spell was cast and he was too weak to even find his way into the sunlight, and truly too weak to fight his father.

Lucifer’s wrath when he found his daughter missing was something of legends. After a few hundred years of torture trying to glean information of his sister’s whereabouts Damien did not have, Lucifer chained him in the deepest darkest part of his dungeons where only the vilest of creatures lived. There the torment lasted for another six hundred years until one day the power to hide himself from others suddenly returned.

As his strength began to return in bits and pieces, Damien was afraid the spell cast to hide his sister was weakening. If so, that would mean she would be alone and vulnerable to attack from others, not understanding who she was or why they wanted her.

Knowing she was not in hell, once Damien escaped he began to look in the other realms, desperate to find her before their enemies did, before their father. The last place he suspected he would find her was in their home realm, the most dangerous place for either of them.

Fighting his father, the injuries Lucifer had inflicted on him, and the power it had taken to escape the Hell realm to get to this ledge had taken its toll. What he wanted to do was pass out, but first he needed to find Sapphira. She was here, somewhere in these mountains. He just could not pinpoint where. So he had called out to her. Unfortunately, she was not the only one who had heard his call. Something large and powerful lived in these mountains, had it had been sleeping. Now that it was awake, it was hungry and pissed.

Once again he tried to at least sit up, but that was not happening. Broken ribs, one broken wing, and a deep gash in his stomach where his father had buried his sword into him, barely missing vital organs, was still bleeding. It was amazing he had made it this far.

A loud roar bounced off the mountains and off his skull. Shit! The mystery of what lived in the mountains was solved, and it was the last thing Damien needed. What any of them needed. Now he had no choice but to move. Find somewhere not so out in the open.

By the time he managed to push himself to his feet the world was spinning and he was drenched in sweat. Leaning back against the rock, he hissed in pain when he jarred his wing. Shit that hurt! Eyes closed he tried to breathe through the pain. A shadow flicked in front of him, freezing the air in his lungs. It flew by a second time.

“Who the hell woke that thing up?” a familiar voice snapped.

Oh thank the Gods!

Damien sagged in relief, his knees collapsing out from under him. Strong arms caught him before he fell the thousand feet below.

“Easy,” another voice soothed, gently setting him back against the rock. “We’ve got you.”

Damien opened his eyes to find Talon a few feet away hovering in mid-air, sword drawn, apparently not happy to see him.

“What the hell happened to you?” he snapped.

“Nice to see you too,” Damien hissed with a fair amount of sarcasm. This only narrowed the angel’s eyes into slits. Centuries of hatred did not disappear because of one shared cause.

“We can deal with the pleasantries and bash each other’s heads in later,” Quinn growled, the expression on Talon’s face telling Damien that he would like to do far more than bash his head in. “Right now we need to get demon boy back to the compound. Can he fly?” This question was directed to Adalrik who was examining his wing. Loghan was the one keeping him from falling off the ledge.

“No. His wing is broken and he’s lost a lot of blood. I’m surprised he made it this far,” Adalrik answered with a note of respect in his voice.

“I’ve had better flights,” Damien hissed through gritted teeth as Adalrik turned his attention to the wound in his gut.

“I did not realize the son of Lucifer had wings,” Talon commented, his tone suspicious.

Damien looked up at him to see his expression matched the tone. Talon did not like surprises. Especially deadly ones. Well, the warrior was in for a whole shitload of disappointment, because once Damien found his sister the surprises were not going to stop.

“There is a lot you do not know about…us,” Damien said carefully.

Talon’s eyes narrowed again and he looked as if he was about to say something when another earsplitting roar vibrated down their spines, turning everyone’s eyes to the skies.

Winging its way around the side of the mountain, enormous in length and wing span, was a dragon. Its red scales gleaming in the sunlight, the dragon roared again as it saw food sitting precariously on a ledge and floating in the air. With another roar that showed its razor sharp teeth, it angled its wings and dove for them.

“Mother of all that is unholy,” Quinn whispered.

“MOVE!” Talon roared.

Adalrik on one side and Loghan on the other, they pulled Damien from the ledge and down the side of the mountain just as the dragon snapped his massive jaws where Talon and Quinn had been hovering only a few seconds before.

“How in creation do we fight that?!” Quinn yelled as they darted in and out between craggy tops of mountains and hills.

“We don’t,” Talon yelled back. “We need a distraction. Without his wings, Damien is no help maneuvering, and his blood is drawing the dragon to us. If we bring this thing home….” He did not have to finish that sentence. Everyone knew how much destruction and chaos a dragon could create.

Unfortunately for Quinn, he was the only one besides Talon free at the moment. That meant they were the bait. “I hate lizards,” he muttered angrily.

But before they could turn the dragon suddenly veered away.

“Not that I’m complaining, but where is it going?” Loghan asked as they came to a halt in mid-air.

“Sapphira,” Damien yelled hoarsely.

Talon looked at Damien, unsure if he had heard right. Nope. The fear in Damien’s eyes told him he had heard just fine.

“She called it,” Damien explained.

“How…? Nevermind,” Talon growled in disgust. No, he did not like surprises. And a girl who could summon a dragon was one of them. “Quinn!” he barked. “Make sure they get back to the monastery in one piece.”

Quinn nodded he understood and moved closer to the three struggling to stay in the air.

“Where are you going?” Adalrik called out.

“To save one little girl’s life so I can kill her,” Talon grumbled. Then he was gone, flying as fast as he could towards the compound.

“What is he talking about?” Quinn asked as they followed at a much slower pace.

“Sapphira can call any creature to her, including the forgotten ones,” Damien explained grimacing as pain lanced through him.

“Nice,” Quinn smiled with more than a little awe. “I haven’t heard of that power in a long time, and only to those of us higher up on the power grid.” The look he gave Damien was calculating. “So the lassie can call dragons. I guess the next question is, can she control them?”

“We’ll find out,” Damien muttered as his eyes turned towards where the dragon had disappeared. Once upon a time Sapphira could control the beasts, but that was a long time ago. Without him there, with their powers not fully returned, it was anyone’s guess what she could and could not do. He just prayed that if that power had not completely returned to her, Talon was not too late.

Chapter 14
Chapter 16

Copyright 2018 Heidi Barnes


Forever Lost: Prologue



A few eons after the birth of the universe as we know it, on a planet far from prying eyes:

“You can’t be serious!”

“Do you have a better plan?”

There was a moment of silence as the two angels stared at each other unable to come up with something, anything that would not end in exile.

“No,” he sighed.

“It is the only way,” the second repeated, his own voice showing how much he disliked the idea. At least that was one thing they agreed on.

“When are they supposed to come for us?” the first asked sitting heavily on a nearby chair, absently playing with the gold band that circled the third finger on his right hand. The exact same band that his brother wore.

“Soon,” the second answered as he paced, one hand on his hip the other rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “No matter what they do to us, we must keep our silence or we will never find her.”

“There is only one way this will end and he will never believe we did not betray him,” the second reminded grimly.

“It is not him I am worried about,” the first confessed quietly, finally stopping his pacing to look his brother in the eyes.

There did not have to be words spoken between them to know what the other was thinking. If they did this, the one woman they had been guarding with their lives since the beginning of their existence, that held far more than their hearts, along with her mate might be lost forever to them.

“If we do this and the Unspoken One finds her first,” the second frowned, “we will not be there to defend her.”

“Or he may not be able to find her. More times than not it is us he comes for knowing our hands will be tied as to what we can do to protect her. We are not only her strength but her weakness. If we do this, become Fallen, we can come at him without worry of consequence.”

The second stood, his anger and fear mixing into one emotion. “But is it worth the cost? The entire universe could unravel and then chaos will reign, which is exactly what he wants.” The angel hesitated, imploring his brother to see reason. Then he spoke what he knew they both feared the most, his eyes filled with anguish. “I can’t lose the part of her I do have. Can you?”

The first stared at his brother, his own fear filling his eyes.

“No, but if we are to find her, save her in time, it is our only choice.”

*    *    *

Six cycles of our earth around its sun later:

Blood covered the once white walls and floors. An angel hung limp from his chains in the middle of the room. Another hung against the wall his eyes on his brother, worried. They had done so much more to him to get them to talk, and he was afraid it had been too much. Yet they stayed quiet. Even though their tormentors had left, they both knew the walls had ears and they stayed quiet.

A low chuckle filled the air, instantly cooling it. The angel in the middle of the room stirred at the sound, his swollen eyes opening slowly. That voice. How is he here? the angel thought.

“Do you really think you can save her this way?” the voice hissed through the air.

Both angels looked towards the sound. A darkness began to grow, filling the blood soaked wall until it spanned from floor to ceiling, well over twelve feet tall. Then the last being they ever thought to see in the heavens stepped into the light. Another would recoil at the sight before them, but they had had too many dealings with this…creature to be afraid. Even in their weakened state.

“You do not belong here,” the angel chained to the wall snarled.

“I belong where I chose, and lucky you I chose here,” the creature smiled. The straight white teeth, shoulder length black hair, designer clothes that fit his well-defined body and GQ features, did not match the ugliness and hatred that surrounded him or the evil in his black eyes. “I will say, though, I did not think the two of you had it in you. To give up that which is everything in order to try and save her. Such…idiocy,” he finished in disgust.

The creature stopped in front of the angel hanging in the middle of the room.

“You will never win,” the angel rasped his eyes blazing with hatred.

“But I already have,” the creature smiled sweetly. “And you two have made it so easy. You who are her strength, her heart, her weakness. Without you she will be vulnerable and when I find her, she will once again be mine. However, just to make sure you do not interfere again.”

Reaching up he took a hold of the right wrist of the angel in front of him. With the other hand he slowly reached towards the finger that held the simple gold band. The angel struggled to get free, but he was bound and weak and no match for the creature in front of him. Without much effort at all, the creature pulled the ring off, the blood making the skin slick.

“That is not yours to take!” the angel against the wall snarled, his chains rattling as he strained against them.

“No, I suppose not, but without this you will not be able to see her even though she stands before you,” the creature mused as he studied the gold band. Such a simple trinket that held so much power. Power over the angel it was given to. His eyes moved to the angel in front of him who hung frozen in his chains, eyes blazing with hatred. “There will be a time when you will lose all hope and you will call me. Then you too shall be mine and you will bring her to me.”

“Never!” the angel growled.

“Never say never, my friend. It is a long time, and time has a way of eroding what was once grand and noble into dust.” Slipping the ring onto his own finger, the gold tarnishing at the touch of his skin, the creature turned to the angel on the wall. “You are much more of a concern,” he frowned walking slowly towards him. “You, who have never wavered, not even in thought. Who has done what others refuse to do in order to keep her from me. I think something a bit more drastic is needed for you. And I also think you will both need to be separated,” he finished looking back at the angel behind him. “I cannot have you pooling your resources to find them before I do and change the destiny I have planned. I still have some sway in what the punishments will be given to our kind. I think a little talk with my sister will be in order. Until we meet again.”

With a flourished bow the creature disappeared, leaving the two angels with a cold dread that would last many eons to come.

*    *    *

Hours later….

“Your punishment will be as written,” the ageless woman with piercing blue eyes announced into the quiet room. There were only the two traitors, her and one other present for the sentencing. Her brother had wanted as few as possible to know what transpired in this room so to keep it secret. As much as she despised doing as he asked, they were in this together and this was the only way.

Turning to the one hanging on the wall, she said, “You will remain in the heavens, demoted into the rank soldier while labeled a traitor. You will also have any memory of your life with our God and Goddess erased, in which case you will not be needing her favor any longer,” she finished, a slight hint of disgust in her voice. With a wave of her hand, the gold band around the angel’s finger disappeared as did the glow of his magnificent white wings.

“You cannot do this,” he hissed slumping against the wall, suddenly weaker. Empty inside.

“It is already done,” she responded dispassionately before turning to the one hanging in the middle of the room. “You, as with your brothers who have disgraced themselves, will become Fallen. Forever at the mercy of those you chose to protect. There will be no help from any of the realms. Unless you have decided against your silence.”

When there was nothing from either angel the woman stepped back with a sigh. “Very well. What is done is done.”

“She will not stand for this,” the angel in the middle warned.

“She is not here to say otherwise, is she,” the woman snapped, her eyes flashing with power. Once again gathering her calm around her, she continued. “You will have your memories, and search if you must, but you will never find her. Not without your brother and certainly not in the bowels of the hell realm.” She looked at the other angel. “When will you realize that they have forsaken us all and are forever lost?”

When the silence once again filled the room as the two angels glared at her, she shook her head. Looking at the one that came to carry out the sentence she ordered wearily, “Michel, you know what needs to be done.”

“Yes, mistress,” he bowed.

With one last look at the condemned she walked from the room.

Michel moved into her place. “I do not do this with a light heart, but I cannot disobey her.” He moved closer to the Fallen and whispered so the walls could not hear. “There is more here than what you see. Remember, you are not alone.”

The only show of shock the fallen gave was the slight widening of his eyes.

Putting his hand on the Fallen’s chest, over his heart, Michel closed his eyes, bowed his head and concentrated. The darkness that filled the room only a short while ago began to spread out from Michel’s hand and over the Fallen’s skin. Gritting his teeth, the Fallen raised his face to the heavens in an attempt to keep the blackness of evil from encompassing him completely. In the end he could not keep the pain inside any longer. A scream of anguish and torment shredded his throat the darkness completely enveloped him. In a flash of brilliant white light that the remaining angels had to turn their faces from, the Fallen was left unconscious, his once sandy blonde hair now black. His once glorious white wings now black as night.

Then Michel walked over to the other.

“You do not have to do this, Michel.”

“If we are to win, this must play out or all will be lost,” Michel said sadly.

“No matter what you do, I will never forget her,” the angel vowed vehemently.

“I pray not, for all our sakes,” his voice barely above a whisper.

Then everything went blank.

Explanation                                                                                Chapter 1

Copyright © 2017 Heidi Barnes

Fated to Be (book 2 in my Destiny series)

It’s almost here! Just a few more finishing touches and I should have it published on next week! Yeah!

Fated to Be Cover

Never say never.
Not everything is set in stone, and not everyone is who they seem to be. Life throws you curve-balls and people change. Some for good, some for evil.
Emma Kessler’s life has been anything but easy, and there are those who threaten to take what little peace she has carved out of the chaos that surrounds her and destroy it. What she does not expect are those she trusts with her heart to turn their backs on her when she needs them the most. All because of a destiny she never wanted.

Too Many Words

Chaos reigns inside my head

People, places, phrases

Jumbled into one



I try to untangle

Piece together two by two

Only to snarl them further

Until nothing but emptiness


Copyright 2017 Heidi Barnes

Choices and Balance

In everything, there is a beginning and an end.

Even great mountains rise and fall as time continues to roll on.

Within that time, a delicate balance must be maintained
or all will fall into chaos and ruin.

The universe is no different.

Among the chaos of creation there is still a semblance of balance,
or nothing would be able to form, to grow, to endure.

But what keeps that balance?

Is it divine force, or just chance?

Is it strong and sure,
or just holding on by a thread that is ready to break at any moment?

Do we have centuries, years,
or days before the life we know ends as suddenly as it began?

Is it as simply as a choice between good or evil, right or wrong, love or hate.

Or is it as simple as choosing it embrace both,
because without one the other does not exist.

Copyright 2107 Heidi Barnes


Just a Tea Party

It was an everyday tea party. Nothing seemed amiss with the world, or at least our little corner of it. The sun was shining. The blue of the sky so brilliant that it dazzled the eye. Large white fluffy clouds intermittently drifted across looking like large cotton balls, yet never seemed to float across the face of the sun. The light breeze was warm, stirring the bogavia and large white mums that climbed the trellises around us. Large hats in different pastels to match expensive sheath dresses and matching patent heals. Laughter, small talk, red lipstick smiles, the eyes obscured by large rimmed hats.

Just an everyday tea party in an empty life where nothing goes wrong, yet anything can happen.

A spark in the darkness. Such a little thing. Almost unnoticeable, unless you know where to look. Time moves on, the spark grows into a flame. Coaxed to life by winds of change. Some change is good, some bad. Only time can tell as the emptiness fills whether the flame will light the way, or burn into chaos and ruin.

Feed the flame. Embrace it. Let it burn the emptiness away. What do you have to lose when you have nothing to begin with anyways?

Just an everyday tea party. Large rimmed pastel hats, small talk and laughter.

Blood red lips curve into a smile. The time is right, the pieces in place. The inspecting mass naively compliant. The hat slowly lifts, the smile smug, knowing what is to come and relishing the outcome. Finally eyes come into view. The deepest blue of sapphire flash in the light of the sun. In a nothing life where everything is possible, chaos begins tonight.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This in answer to a prompt of mine. Word Bank Prompt. Please, take some time, take a look, and see what tale the words spin for you.

Sleep Elusive – prompt 48

Source: We Heart It

Sleep. What a wonderful idea. I just wish I could. It had been a long time since I’ve been able to turn my mind off. Around and around on problems that there was nothing I could do anything about. I can’t speak on them, act on them, ignore them. Oh, trust me. I’ve tried. I walked away, been told it was none of my business and to stay out of it. Yet here I was. Standing in the one place I shouldn’t be, contemplating sleep that I knew would never come. Not while the bane of my exsitance was not more than ten feet away on the other side of the wall.

Sighing, I drop my bag on the floor at my feet with a loud thump and rub my face with my hands. What am I doing? It was not the first time I’ve ask this question. Probably won’t be the last. Not until this nightmare was over.

Walking to the bed I sat down heavily on the end. Well, there wasn’t much I could do tonight. Everyone had gone to bed long ago. Only Christian had been awake because he was the only one who knew I was coming, otherwise I would probably be at some hotel. Not a bad idea really, but saying no to the seven year old had been hard if not impossible. I could still see the puppy dog eyes staring at me over the screen as he pleaded with me to help him.

I looked at the wall that seperated me from the catastrophe waiting to happen. I hope Christian was right and the person on the other side was ready to talk. Better yet, listen. Otherwise this would be all for nothing, because if this didn’t work I was washing my hands of the whole mess.

Flopping back on the bed, I knew a lie when I heard one. I should. I was the best of the best when it came to lying. Ask anyone. Yeah, with what waited for me when the sun came up sleep would be an elusive bitch. Might as well unpack. It was going to be a long night.

© 2016 Heidi Barnes

I seem to be on a role with these writing prompts tonight. Not sure what is so special about tonight, but I’ll see how long it lasts. This writing was based on Writing Outside the Lines writing prompt #48. It was also written on my phone. I tried to catch all the typing errors, but I apologize if I missed any.

My Minds Chaos

I see roses,
I see pants,
I see so many things
running through my head.
When will it stop?
When will it end?
When will I find
peace again?
Inner dialogue,
ranting, raving,
never a moments peace
never the light at the end.
Pushing, prodding
begging to be let loose,
but what will people think?
What will they say?
When they hear my thoughts
in complete disarray.
I don’t know how.
I don’t know when.
These thoughts of mine
will end,
or begin.
I should focus,
try to stay sane,
for there are words
that should never be said.
I try and try
with all my might
to end this reign
of terror that is my plight.
For those who understand
these words I share,
I wish you well
your soul respite.

© 2015 Heidi Barnes

When Do You Say…Enough.

When is it too much? When do you finally say enough? Some people’s threshold is very high, reaching for the heavens and above. “They have the patience of a saint,” people would say. Others are so low not even Lucifer in his realm can find it, settling in the deep core of the earth to simmer and burn. All it takes is a look or maybe one certain person walking into the room and their patience is gone, flying out the window as if the very demons of hell were nipping at its tail.

There are situations where walking away can be the most difficult act you will ever play. The one that not only will affect your life, but those around you that you thought you loved and those you still do. How do you change your life without destroying theirs? Yet if you don’t change, won’t your life be destroyed? How do you betray those who depend on you in order to keep what little sanity you have left by leaving them in the frozen wasteland that has become life? Or the scalding desert that has become your hell? What is that final act that forces you to say “I have had enough” and you walk away, never to look back.

How many people can you save by saying “No more” to the demon who possesses the power to harm those around them? How many will you sacrifice to end the misery? Strengths come in many levels, many ways. The strength to keep going, to fight that which yearns to destroy everything you hold dear. The strength to say “Enough” and walk away to live, to breathe, another day.

Some say those who refuse to step out of the darkness that has become their lives, that stay and just endure are cowards. Are they? Just because they see no way out. That the demon that holds their life in its hands has every exit sealed shut with vicious words and violence promised to those they love, or to them if they dare to seek the light. Maybe they have been beaten so far down that there is no strength left to fight for what most of us take for granted. Freedom to think and choose for ourselves. Freedom to say, “Enough.”

~ © Heidi Barnes

I See Colors

I see colors
all shapes and sizes
floating near then far.
I wander aimlessly
grabbing bits and pieces
trying to be cohesive,
just as easily slipping away.

Words are liquid
flowing aimlessly downstream.
Mixing and mingling
for my eye to see.
I pick out a phrase,
a sentence, a name,
each part of a puzzle
the ending yet a haze.

Life is joy,
pleasure, pain.
Never knowing which turn
will bring chaos or serene.
Take a breath,
see what lays ahead
for behind is what was,
today a beginning
of a new thread.

~ © Heidi Barnes

This poem came to me as I was driving home from work. I quickly jotted down the first lines, but as those lines came they were not  in order. It’s the way my mind is working lately. Random thoughts, easily distracted from the task at hand. And once that distraction takes hold, I am lost to it. Usually a scenario or like today a poem. Whether these pieces all fit together for one meaning is up to you. For me, I started in chaos and colors and ended with a new thread. Have a beautiful day.