Distractions and Writing

When I was in junior high and that fateful paragraph was written on the board of my Homeroom class, my love of writing began. Saved my ass a few times, too. You see, I was too busy writing, so the projects I was suppose to be doing sort of got…lost. (Actually they just didn’t get done so I made a deal with my teacher and turned in my latest chapter instead.) I remember even having time to write when I worked at the front desk of the local pool. As I sit here, some years later, I still have that passion to write but for some reason I cannot stay focused. Some could blame it on old age or the fact that real life is a lot more complicated and filled than it was in my school years. And when I got married and had kids all that free time went by the wayside because…well…babies are a bit time consuming.

But I digress. Back to the distractions. Even when I started writing again when the kids went to school I was still able to focus. Yes I had television, books, housework, the flower gardens, the family when they were home, yet I still was able to focus. Now I could be all alone and I can’t get down on paper what it is I want to tell. The difference? Internet, for one. The internet and the social media that has all these distracting evil addictive games. Games where you move objects to make three or more of a kind and they disappear. Games where you grow crops and sell them, pop bubbles, hit the spin button and see what prize you will win at the end. I have managed to cull some of those games and I never put money into those games for more ‘lives’. I have five then five it will be. I do my best to ignore them. Play those five lives then close it down. Music helps to focus me, as always. But unless I go somewhere where I don’t have internet access, or inspiration hits so hard I can no longer ignore it, I have a hard time staying focused.

Another is me, myself and I. The book I am writing now was written a long time ago, in those school day. Since then I have rewritten it a few times, each time the journey a little different than the last. This time around I finally realized what it was missing. Why it never felt right. So I started again, trying to keep to the original storyline as best as I could. Unfortunately, I am to the point that the story has changed and grown so much that a lot of what was written before will not work, yet I still try to keep as much of it as I can. And that trips me up, puts that writer’s wall firmly into place, not allowing the scenes in my head pass through my fingers and onto the paper until I get out of my way and just write.

So on that note, I’m going to plug into my music and try to ignore the call of the games, forget what I have written down in previous rewrites and try to finish the book I am currently working on. Not as in done ready to publish, but done as in this part of the story is finish and I can now begin the many edits. Oh, and find a title. Little like trying to find the perfect purse. I mission doomed before it’s started. You girls know what I am talking about! 😉

Have a great weekend. 🙂

Heidi

Stray Thoughts

Stray thoughts invade
all focus lost
scattered to the winds.
Fog descends
moonlight wans
misty trails like skeletal limbs.
Whispered voices
reaching towards me
beckoning me in,
“Step into the darkness
where secrets lie
and the forbidden is
no longer a sin.
Come play with us
till dawn light wins.
Come play within
your darkest dreams.”

~ © Heidi Barnes

Daydream…or memory

A friend of mine, who when we write think a lot alike, posted a blog from her daily writing back in February of 2013 to a prompt called “It was a Daydream”. As a lot of her poems or short stories do, it got me thinking and what I thought of had to be written down. 

The storyline is from my series Obsession, the time frame between Deceptions and Absolution. Consider this a…backstory. A small glimpse into a piece Kirsten’s life that was actually written after the series was finished…maybe. 😉 Where I posted this on my other website in February, I just found the handwritten copy and thought I would repost it here. This is what I wrote to “It was a Daydream”.

I stared out the window, wishing not for the first time I was outside enjoying the blue sky with the warmth of the sun on my skin. Anything was better than sitting inside staring at the computer screen.

The scene changes. I am staring out at a blue ocean. The breeze off the water cools my hot skin as it blows strands of my hair across my eyes. Hands gently caress my shoulders, a warm body moves against my back. I close my eyes as his lips touch the crook of my neck. The feel of his skin against mine is heaven. A sensation all that more precious because it is so rare. So dangerous.

“What are you thinking about?” his voice murmers against my skin.
At the moment all I coud think, all I could feel was the sensation his breath on my skin sent through me making my body tingle with anticipation as things lower tightened almost painfully. HIs hands tightened at the catch in my breath and he pulled me tighter against him. A slow flex of his hips tell me his reaction to that one catch.

“Step away from her,” a low dangerous voice commanded.

We both froze.

Opening my eyes, I kept them on the blue water before me. The hands on my arms convulsed then slowly, reluctantly slid from them. As he moved away from me the sun suddenly no longer felt as warm as it had moments before.

“Kirsten,” Alex said, his voice telling me in that one word just how angry he was. But I refused to give him what he wanted. I refused to show him any guilt for there was none.
I turned my eyes to his, a smile on my lips, my expression as neutral as my eyes.

“You’re home early,” I said calmly.

Alex’s eyes moved to the man who stood a few steps behind me. “Not early enough,” he said angrily.

Forcing my body to remain relaxed, I stepped towards him, stopping directly in front of him. Reaching up I placed my fingertips on his cheek, bringing those angry eyes to mine. If he was to be angry then he would be angry with me. I would not let others pay for my situation. Not if I could help it. Looking into his eyes I frowned. There was more than his jealously fueling his anger. It was the knowledge I needed to distract him from what he had seen.

“What has happened?” I asked.

Alex continued to glare at me, but when I only continued to frown at him, he closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly he wrapped his arms around me, holding me as if I would disappear into mist.

“I cannot lose you,” he breathed into my hair.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered back tightening my arms around him.

A movement caught my eyes. The sadness that met my eyes from the shadows of the trees matched my own. I would not be going anywhere not because I wanted to stay, but because I had no choice. Just as I had no choice in whose arms held me, whose lips found mind, whose body covered mine as I spent long nights making love. The man who held me now owned me, and he would never let me go. Ever.

…..

“Kirsten?” a concerned voice called startling me back to the hear and now. I looked up into Cody’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry,” I said clearing my throat and blinking back the tears that threatened to overflow.

“Did you say something?” I concentrated on the screen before me knowing if I looked at him I would lose what little control over my emotions that I had.

A hand over mine, gently pressing it to the mouse I held stopped me.

“Don’t,” he said gently.

That one word, the tone of his voice. It said it all. Don’t hide from me. Don’t push me away. Don’t feel alone because I am here, if you need me. But in order to keep those I loved alive I had to be alone. I could not lose a loved one. Not again. I would not survive.

~ © 2013 Heidi Barnes

Here is Annie’s response if you would like to read it. I highly recommend.  “Only a Dream”