No More

When you reach a point

There is no return

When you finally say

Enough is enough

I will do this no more

To walk away

Never to look back

To not turn around

Give it one more chance

May be the hardest test

You will ever endure

Because walking into the unknown

Is never easy

When you’re alone

 

Copyright © 2016 Heidi Barnes

The Beginning of the End – Broken Promises

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Desktop Nexus: Another Space and Time

Caius watched with mixed feelings as Kara lay over Tania’s broken body sobbing. On one  hand this was his brother who lay on the cold hard earth covered in blood. On the other Kara was now free to be his. It sounded cold and uncaring, but their entire existence had been one cold and uncaring moment after the next. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There were some moments where there had been warmth and laughter. Moments when the light out weighted the dark and Kara loved him as much as she loved his brother. But even then it had ended in tragedy. Instead of Kara leaning over Tanis’s cooling dead corpse, it had been his, and it was Tanis who had comforted Kara.

 

The thought of Kara in his brother’s arms did not bring the wave of jealousy that usually followed. Instead it only brought a sort of sadness that seeped into Caius’s bones and settled deep inside. This was not the first time they were at this time and space, and the Gods help them, it would not be the last. In fact, it was the Gods that had cursed them with this life. Life and death. Birth and rebirth. Over and over until one life blurred into another and they had lost count how many centuries had passed since the beginning of their existence. All so the universe could stay in existence and the inhabitants could continue their evolution until time itself had no meaning.

They had come to the end of this lifetime. One of them no longer existed, and the two that were left only had a finite amount of time to do what needed to be done before the others found them and started the cycle all over again. The hardest deaths were when it was Kara lying there. Though that had only happened once, that Caius could remember, once was enough. The black lash of that catastrophe had sent them millenniums back in time. There were still worlds in the outer regions that were still reeling from it.

Kara was the glue that kept everything together. The reason Tanis and Caius fought to own her heart. And once that fight was ended, the unrelenting jealousy that spurned them on disappeared. Jealousy, hatred, love, all rolled into one confusing emotion. How can one hate their brother as much as they loved them?

That was a discussion for another time. Now they had no time. Not if they wanted to end this vicious cycle of live and death they were trapped in.

“Kara,” he called softly, kneeling down beside her and gently placing his hand on her back. “We need to leave or there won’t be enough time.”

Lifting her head, she turned her blue eyes to Caius. The anguish in them tore at his heart. Forever in the middle, Kara was the one who suffered the most. It was the reason Caius was desperate to get her away from here. If they stayed too long, there would only be more misery to heap onto what was already burying them.

Intricate braids held her long brown hair away from her face. The rest cascaded down her back in thick curls. Her leather battle gear was splattered with the blood of Caius’s army and Tanis’s. She had fought bravely, but the exhaustion from the battle and the weight of their burden made her frightfully pale.

“Why?” she asked, her voice hoarse with her tears. “They will only find us and it will be far worse than if we just stay and wait for the enviable.”

“That is not true and you know it,” Caius snapped in frustration.

“Isn’t it? We have battled for our very existence, for the universes existence since the beginning of time. I for one am tired. Let them come. Then maybe I can sleep.”

Her voice and expression were so defeated that it frightened Caius. This was not the brave warrior that Caius knew Kara to be. Had the elders finally broken her? If they had, Caius would reign down his own kind of hell upon their heads for daring to hurt what he loved.

“You don’t meant that….”

Kara jumped to there feet and backed away from him. Anger and the horror of their lives rolling off her in waves.

“I can’t do this anymore!” she yelled. “Let them have me! I won’t play their sick game any longer!” Raising her arms to her sides and turning in a slow circle, she screamed to the heavens, “You hear me you cowards! I won’t fight your battles anymore!”

The sky grew dark.  Thunder shook the ground beneath them as lightening streaked through the sky. The gods apparently did not appreciate being called cowards.

Caius jumped up and wrapped his arms round Kara, holding her close. “Kara! Shush!” he hissed.

“No!” she screamed struggling to get free of him, but Caius would not let go. “I will not stay quiet any longer!”

Another clap of thunder as a bolt of lightening struck right beside them, sending Caius and Kara flying through the air.

The sudden silence was deafening.

When Caius came to, the skies were filled with dark clouds and a light rain was falling, beginning the cleaning of the battle field. The sound of carrion fighting over corpses in growls, yips, squawks and screams that all blended in his mind spurring the headache into something epic. Every part of his body ached, the smell of burnt flesh permeated his senses, and yet for some reason he was still alive. What the hell had happened?

Among all the chaos, one thought broke through the pain and agony and sent his heart racing. Where was Kara?

After searching what seemed like an eternity, he found her lying in the mud at the edge of the battle field. Her clothes and skin were burnt along her back where the lightening bolt had struck. It was then that Caius realized that she had taken the brunt of the strike. It was the only explanation as to why he was still alive and she stared lifelessly into the sky.

Tears streaming down his face, Caius closed Kara’s eyes then gently picked her lifeless body and carried her to where Tanis lay. Lying her down next to his brother, he brushed the hair from her face, memorizing every feature to hold him over for what was to come. Leaning down he kissed her forehead before resting his cheek against hers.

“I promise you I will fix this,” he whispered in her ear. “When I see you again, I will fix this.”

With one last kiss, Caius, step back and disappeared from the field to a cave on a small planet that those who controlled their lives could not find him. Here would begin a quest that would lead him to places he never thought he would travel so he could save the one woman who owned his heart and the brother that owned hers. What he did not expect was how long it would take, and the demon he would awaken that wanted to destroy them all.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

Take What You Need – Free Write

untitled (2)
Source: Unknown

 

 

When I saw this picture I wondered why more people don’t have these qualities. The ability to love, have patience and understanding. See the beauty around us instead of all the ugliness. To be kind to others even though kindness may not be given. I realize that not everyone can have face every circumstance life throws at us with courage, and strength in any of those qualities can run out rather quickly. Lord knows my patience on some days is very thin, and there are times when forgiveness either takes a very long time or is non-existence.

Faith has many meanings and can be a fickle thing. I have faith that the human race can pretty much screw up anything. However, I also have faith that they can fix it. It may take a while, longer than most people would like, and we will fall on our collective faces numerous times on the way, but we will eventually get there. That is where the patience comes in. As far as Faith in whichever religion you may believe in, you know, it’s okay. As long as you don’t use it as an excuse to annihilate another because they don’t believe exactly the way you do, who am I to tell you how to believe? We should all have the freedom to choose, and to take that freedom away because they don’t see eye to eye with you, in my opinion, is wrong. (There is a can of worms I probably shouldn’t have open. *sigh* Oh well.)

I do want to say thank you to all those who serve in our military forces.  Because of you, we have the freedom to live the way we want to, feel the way we want to, say the things we want to say without fear. Thank you for all you sacrifice to keep us safe.

I know I have left a few pieces out of this write. Maybe you can answer for yourself what you are passionate about and motivate yourself to follow that passion. I love to write. Have since I was 14. It’s helped me heal in a lot of ways. But it took a long time before I had the courage to allow others to read that writing. I guess the message here is never give up on your dream. It may take awhile, but eventually you’ll get there. (Huh. Guess I didn’t leave them out. 🙂 )

Have a beautiful day. 🙂

Copyright 2015 Heidi Barnes

This is a Free Write for the Blog website Writing Outside the Lines – prompt 18.

The Blue Door – A Free Write

 

The Blue Door
Source: We Heart It

The wall seemed to go on forever. Not unlike the road I was traveling that was my life. And endless nothing that was only broken by the cracks and cranny’s filled with moss and grime, clogging up what was once beautiful shiny new. I’m not sure how my life became this way, or how I came upon this wall. All I knew was it seemed endless and daunting and worn. Worn away from time and neglect. Never turning, never changing, always endless.

A flash. Nothing more. Just a quick glimpse of blue in the faded orange and grey. Stopping I wonder if maybe I was seeing things. Wishful thinking for something that I could never have. A different path, a bright light in the dimness around me.

Change.

But it cannot be. Not for me. I have done nothing to warrant a chance to evolve, to change. I take a step forward then stop again. Uncertain of what I should do. Should I keep going on the endless path that is taking me nowhere, or should I turn back and see if what I saw was true.

Curiosity overcomes me and I turn around. I was always told never to look back. That the past is in the past. Yet today, this moment, I look back and I see…nothing. Frowning I almost turn around but now that I have looked I cannot look away. Another step and I see a sliver of something in the wall. Something that is not natural, that is…blue. Now I move quickly, wanting, no needed to know what it is that has broken this endless cycle. And there it is. The flash of blue now revealed in all its glory.

As I stared at the door, as worn and neglected as the endless wall, I wonder how it came here. Who put it here and why? Where does it lead? There is no handle, although it looks as if all I have to do is breath on it and it will fall open. Before I realize what I am doing, I reach out, my fingers hesitating just before they touch the frail wood and peeling paint. My heartrate has skyrocketed, my breath coming in gasps and I struggle to suck in precious air. I have no idea what lays behind this door. How can I just push it open? I know the path I am on is endless and worn, but it is also safe. What if whatever is behind this door is…new? What if it is one of those dreams I used to dream come to reality and everything…changes for the worst? What if…?

I look to my left and I look to my right. Endless crumbling moldy wall greet me and suddenly I realize that I cannot do this any longer. I cannot live in this safe world I have created around me because it is slowly suffocating me. I need to live. To enjoy the precious gift I have been given called life. I need to soar.

Determination takes a hold, and before I can say no my hand pushes on the peeling paint and the door flies open revealing…..

2015 Heidi Barnes

Each of us has our own journey. Whether we go left or right or simply open the door everything we know will be changed for better or worse. Or you can continue on the path before you that is safe and maybe a little worn. I did not finish this because I believe you need to find your own answer as to what is behind the blue door. If you wish to share I would be interested to hear what it is.

If you would like to join this Free Write or read some more submissions visit Writing Outside the Lines.

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

I Give You My Trust – A Free Write

Kerouac Quote

 

So many things I want to say.
Words tumbling around, every which way.
Each one wanting to be first
Each one for better or worst.
Sifting through the jumbled mess
Just too many to express.
I promise I will find
With deep thought and time
Someday, someway
To convey
Those words that means so much
So you will know
With my heart, I give you my trust.

 

© 2015 Heidi Barnes

If you would like to join in this free write exercise or just read the other wonderful submissions go to Sharyl Fuller’s site Writing Outside the Lines and check it out.

Just Breathe

To think we are the only ones
That everything revolves around you
Your beliefs
Your truth
Will only keep you from understanding
Love
Compassion
Life.
Open your mind
Your heart
Your soul
And see things through another’s eyes.
Maybe then the hate
The anger
That chokes you everyday
Stifling your ability to enjoy
What this time on earth has given you
Will slide away
And you can begin to live
To grow
To just
Breathe.

© 2015 Heidi Barnes

Choices

I don’t understand.

What is it you want from me?

I have given you everything.

My life,

my loyalty

my soul,

but it is never enough.

Now you ask me to forsake

what is most important to me.

My heart,

my love.

For what?

Your ideals?

Your beliefs?

They are not mine

and I do not believe in forcing

what is not meant to be.

I will not live this lie anymore

and you will not use me

as your catalyst for your war.

So take your beliefs,

your quest,

your kingdom.

I do not want them.

Instead I choose life,

my life,

my own,

and I will live it

with someone who loves me

for who I am,

not for who they want me to be.

If you still do not understand,

I choose me.

~ © Heidi Barnes 2014

 

Rain Washes my Soul

Image ~ Desktop Nexus
Image ~ Desktop Nexus

I reach up high

to touch the sky.

As rain drops fall

to wash my soul

your eyes I see

before me.

My heart feels light

though pain is near.

I shy away

because what I fear

is to lose myself

in eyes so blue,

remembering lives

no longer true.

Past is gone,

present new.

Raising my face

rain washing my soul,

one foot forward

the future takes hold.

© 2014 Heidi Barnes

My Own Path

Footsteps in the sand
walking away from me.
Do I follow the path
that has been laid out
so clearly,
or do I make my own
destiny?
 
Do I dare to wish
upon a star
and lead the life
that fate gives to me?
Stumbling and falling
without dignity.
 
Do I fear what others think?
Build my life around
society,
or do I wander a path
with no constraints
and live my life
freely?
 
Footsteps in the sand,
the safe path laid out
clearly.
I turn left
and begin my own
destiny.
 
© 2014 Heidi Barnes

One choice; one end ~ Forever Lost

Eyes blackest night

stare through hair

darkest light.

Features beauty untold,

chiseled form

from battles centuries old.

Wings of gold and earth

spread wide flex with ease

In hands grip tight

sword and spear

seeking blood,

old transgressions to appease.

With a smile calm descends

this battle long overdo

to bitter end.

Hearts torn asunder

souls yearning to mend,

the fate of all

in one choice,

to one end.