I had an…emotion. I guess that would be a best way to describe it. An emotion that was pushing it’s way to the front of my brain wanting to be let out. I needed to write words that I really had no idea what they were. So I sat down and began to write. I didn’t stop to edit, I didn’t try to find other words that might fit better, I just wrote.

That was the first two paragraphs. The rest came to me as I thought about what I had written over the next few days. I think it’s a culmination of a book I wrote that will probably never see the light of being published. I know I should be working on the second book to Destiny, but this one I call Broken Promises was calling me to pay attention to it. So in order to be able to concentrate on what I should be concentrating on, I took a little detour and worked on something quite different.

Here is it, the unedited version of an emotion that would not let me go. I hope you enjoy. 🙂

I didn’t understand what it would mean. I could see, feel, touch him, but to give in to the power that surrounded us, let it wash over us, through us, I never realized what it would mean. How it would consume every fiber of my being leaving me unable to say no to the feel of his skin against mine. How do you explain the unexplainable? Answer? You don’t. You get washed away in the tide and all you can do is try to swim against a current that comes at you from every side until you have no strength left to fight and you give in. I had no energy left to fight, and neither did he. We had fought so long against what we were, denied our basic needs all in a bid to stay human, stay sane. When this tidal wave of power smashed into us all we could do was try not to drown. Try to ride it out the best we could and pray when we came out the other end we could live with the consequences.

Hands, lips, teeth, nails. Pleasure became pain. Pain became pleasure. There was no end and no beginning of who we were. Our minds, our bodies, our souls, the very cells were all intermixed into one. One being, one entity, one soul. And the closer we became to the climax, the high the power rose, the more lost we became until in one explosion, one long ragged scream, the universe stood still. The choice final.

Afterglow is a wonderful thing. All troubles seem trivial, all threats non-existence. Then the glow fades and reality comes crashing back in and the warmth that covered every inch of your skin turns cold as ice as you realize what you have done. What it means. Who you have betrayed. As that reality descended, my skin tingling not with afterglow and warmth but goosebumps and chills, arms and legs wrap lazily around me, pulling me into a warm slick body. Slick with the sweat of our lovemaking. A body I know knew as well as my own. Thoughts of lazy days and sweaty nights plagued my mind. Thoughts that were not mine. Thoughts that should not make my body shiver in anticipation.

“Do not fight it, love,” his voice husky with desire whispered in my ear, his breath sending another shudder down my spine. His hands began to roam, sliding up my stomach to by breast, gently kneading, tweaking, making things lower in my body clench tight. “Where I do not know why we are here or what happened between us, I do know that I will not let you go easily. You are mine in every sense of the word, as I am yours.” He moved so he was propped up on one elbow gazing down at me with a small smile, though his eyes were confused and concerned. “The thought of not having you at my side every moment of every day clenches my heart to tight I can barely breathe. Please, Kara,” he breathed his forehead touching mine, his palm gently cupping my face, “Do not leave me to a fate worse that than the death that surely awaits when they find us.”

How can I say no to a plea so full of pain and promise? Especially when my own heart feels the same way. In that moment I decide, knowing with that decision I damn us both. Looking into those eyes that are everything to me I whisper, “I will not leave.”

The smile awarded me was more than all the treasures of the universe. For that smile I would promise anything, endure any consequence, pay any price. And in the months to come we would pay. Dearly.

~ © Heidi Barnes