Thoughts that Wander to the Darkside

In keeping with my promise to myself that I was going to be more of an online presence, I was trying to think of something to write about today and it was hard. I usually like to keep things upbeat, happy when I blog. My poems are another matter, but writing down my thoughts I try to keep at least somewhat cheerfully. Today nothing is coming to mind that’s anywhere near upbeat, happy or cheerful. It’s all darkness, and that’s a bit more scary to unleash upon others. It’s towards the end of a hectic exhausting school year, we are starting our thirteenth month of COVID mind-numbing madness, spring as sprung and, while it is a beautiful season, it’s not my favorite due to allergies and potential migraines. The bottom line is, I’m just plain exhausted. Anybody else?

Okay. Here it goes. This morning I started out with some pretty ugly thoughts in my head. Not about anyone else, but about myself. Thoughts that drag me down as a person, a writer. As someone others want to get to know or be around. This tells me something in my life needs to change. I’m not sure exactly what, but what I did know was my inner monologue was my writer’s imagination drifting to the dark side. Taking random thoughts or observations and spinning them into something that is not entirely true. At least not to the extent they whispered to me this morning. When tears threatened, I finally told myself that I needed to stop. That none of it was true. It was just my overactive imagination trying to bring me down. Then I tried to figure out why I was in the mindset I was in.

Part of it, I think, is I work in a building full of people, but because of restrictions and rules I don’t get to talk to those people like I used to. We are all sequestered in out little areas, keeping contact to a minimum, only really talking when we see each other briefly by email or in the hall, and then usually about the student we work with. All the time in the back of our minds thinking, are we six feet apart? Have we been together longer than fifteen minutes? When can we finally take these damn masks off? There are no lunches together, no real time to just relax around each other. It’s all very isolating, and why I like my alone time, lately it has become overwhelming.

I’m not someone who believes that COVID is all a big lie. That it’s a conspiracy the government has concocted to take over control of us all. I know too many people in other countries that are in the same boat we are. Lockdowns, keeping apart, masks. Some are more strict than others, but it’s out there. EVERYWHERE. As far as the masks, I do believe they work. I’ve been fully exposed to COVID, but we were wearing our masks and most of the time, not all of it, keeping our distance. I know that is what saved me from catching it. But back to my head and it’s dark thoughts.

Tomorrow there will be a change in my routine. I can finally be in a classroom with other kids. (Shots, immunity issues. That is about all I can say with the confidentiality clauses in place.) I don’t mind being in my little room, but I think it’s starting to really get to me. The change of pace, more than just me or my student in the same room (albeit six feet apart) will be nice.

I also think I need a vacation. I don’t mean a weekend somewhere we drive to. We’ve done that over this last year. I mean, get on a plane and GO somewhere that is not…here. We are doing this next month. My niece is having her wedding reception in Michigan and we have the plane tickets. Four days of not being here. I can’t wait! This Saturday is the bridal shower which I will attend via Zoom. It will still be fun because I will get to see people I haven’t seen in a long time. We also are going to celebrate Mother’s day with my family. We are all vaccinated and it will be the first time we have all gotten together since March 2020. We have a few birthdays to celebrate, too.

So while the thoughts were dark this morning, they have become better as the day has gone on. There are other things I could do that I’ve been putting off, like losing weight, getting into shape. I can get outside more and work in the garden. Yes, it rains this time of year in Washington State, a lot, and it won’t help the allergies, but it will not be inside letting my head get the better of me. Writing this out has helped too. Another thing I should start doing again. Putting the pen to paper.

I hope you are staying safe, that you, too, can soon go somewhere that is not here, and have a wonderful rest of your week.

Heidi

© Copyright 2021

Sweet Words Devil’s Work

I ask you
why do you persist?
I ask you
Why do you resist?

You tell me
this is my choice by right
You tell me
this is my soul’s plight

I wonder
do you see the truth
I wonder
does ignorance bleed youth

You follow
walking blindly into darkness
You follow
walking where evil harkens

I see
the danger ahead
I see
the traps they set

You don’t hear
evil’s lies
You don’t hear
angel’s cries

Evil dressed as good
is still evil under the hood
Be careful of sweet words
that pull you into the devils work.

© Copywrite 2021 Heidi Barnes

Daily Prompt: Miniature

via Daily Prompt: Miniature

The rocking horse flew through the air, buzzing, neighing, doing loop-de-loops. Not a care in the world. The summer day was hazy with heat, showing the pollen that flew into the air as the rocking horse zoomed in and out of the flowers that filled the meadow. What a glorious day to be free! it thought. Free to fly among nature and all her glory. For the rocking horse had never been free before. At least he did not think so. All he remembered was the golden cage that surrounded him from his very first memory. It had been a large cage, filled with toys, a miniature barn with bedding his master called fluff, whatever that was. Plenty of food and water, and he was treated like a prize possession. All and all not a bad place to be, but it wasn’t…free.

With a long whinny that was its laugh, the rocking horse took off into the sky like it had been shot out of a cannon, leaving a trail of vapor behind it. Once it got to the highest point it stopped. Its small wings fluttered furiously to keep him suspended as he surveyed the beauty around him. Green rolling hills butted up against majestic mountains, the tallest peek raising up into the sky like a silent sentinel, watching over all below. Farms dotted the landscape with a village centered in the middle, a gathering place for the humans to sell their wares, catch up on gossip and celebrate their holidays and special occasions. Today was one of those days. A wedding was taking place and everyone one was there, decked out in their finery to help the happy couple begin their new life together. Which was why the rocking horse was free.

Sighing in contentment, the rocking horse looked down at the forest below it. Surely there were more like him. Maybe he should go down and start….

A shadow fell over him and then was gone.

What the…? 

Glancing around, the rocking horse could not see anything. Shrugging his shoulders, he once again surveyed below him, trying to figure out the best spot to begin his search. This time he saw the shape of the shadow floating across the tree tops. Large and silent, it drifted lazily around him. Taking a closer look, the rocking horse realized that the appendages that were out to the side of the body were wings and the large fan like thing in the back were…TAIL FEATHERS!

As soon as the rocking horse began his dive, a shrill shriek filled the summer air. Not daring to look back, the rocking horse streaked towards the safety of the woods.Dodging in and out of trees, he could hear the bird crashing and shrieking behind him. Must…find…shelter! There was a loud crash, then a crack of wood, then silence.

The rocking horse dared not slow to see if the bird had crashed into that large tree it had just flown through. No, it knew now where it must go if it was to remain safe. This outside world was a scary place, with things far to large that wanted to eat it for a morning snack. There was only one place it would be safe.

Sometime later, the front door opened to a small cottage near the woods and a young woman danced in, humming a lilting tune.

“What a wonderful day,” she sighed. “Full of laughter, good food and good friends. They really should have weddings more often, they are so much fun.” Putting her basket on the wooden table in the kitchen, she danced over to the small living area where there was a large golden cage and her childhood friend. “Hello, my little one. How was your day today? Uneventful, I suppose. Let me tell you about mine and we can relive it together, shall we?”

The miniature rocking horse neighed in response, rising up into the air and doing a somersault telling her it was happy to see her. With a small smile the woman did not see, it hung in the air, happily listening to his master’s voice as she regaled him with the days events. Happy to be safe and sound and alive in his home.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

Have a wonderful song filled summer day. 🙂

Love’s Sacrifice – part 13 Hold On

Cheza and Kiba reaching for each other
Desktop Nexus: Cheza and Kiba reaching for each other

Love’s sacrifice,
never forgotten
always in my heart.
My promise,
my vow
to you I recite.
I will find what was lost
defeat endless night.
Darkness will retreat
to the light.
All I ask
through eternities might
is that you fight for life,
that you hold on to hope
with both hands tight.

The Light in the Darkness
Desktop Nexus: The Light in the Darkness

*Laughter
maniacal
chilling.
Accepting the challenge
so boldly declared.
Confident in victory
Darkness waits, unaware
the strength in love
as pure as light,
will conquer
even the darkest
of night.
If you only
hold on tight*

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is the end of out story. I hope you have enjoyed it. I may, in a time not today (okay, been rhyming to much!) flesh these poems out into a full fledged story. We will see.

If you have missed the beginning click here: Part 1

Part 12

Love’s Sacrifice – part 12

A Gift of Darkness
Desktop Nexus: A Gift of Darkness

I walk into  darkness
away from the light.
The memory of you
once beautiful and bright,
fades with every step
taken into the night.
I am no longer
my own,
my master I must
obey.
The God’s have
forsaken me,
Hell is my home,
my debt to pay.
There is no one to
save me.
I am
alone.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is a poem/story that came to me while driving and listening to Phil Collin’s, In the Air Tonight. Where it has seemed to take on a mind of it’s own, as with all stories, that first initial push to write furiously has slowed down. So I will post as soon as my stewing and listening to the song repeatedly give me inspiration. If you have just found this story, here is the link to Part 1. I hope you enjoy.:)

Part 11  <—>  Part 13

Love’s Sacrifice – part 11

Shaiya Light &amp; Darkness
Desktop Nexus: Shaiya Light & Darkness

Foolish child
you play a game
you have no hope
of winning.
I will own you.
Your mind,
your body,
your soul.
You have given me
everything,
and received
nothing.
And for what?
Love perceived
from demon spawned?
How pathetic.
How splendidly
naive.

Darkness
Desktop Nexus: Darkness

As for you
my faithless pawn,
freedom is yours.
Though earned it
you have not.
Do not waste
what you once discarded
so carelessly.
Take one more look
at the price
that was paid,
for true love
will never again
come your way.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is a poem/story that came to me while driving and listening to Phil Collin’s, In the Air Tonight. Where it has seemed to take on a mind of it’s own, as with all stories, that first initial push to write furiously has slowed down. So I will post as soon as my stewing and listening to the song repeatedly give me inspiration. If you have just found this story, here is the link to Part 1. I hope you enjoy.:)

Part 10  <—>  Part 12

Love’s Sacrifice – part 10

Shape of my heart
Desktop Nexus: Shape of my heart

I do not care
his sins.
They have no hold
over me,
nor will they
have any hold
over him.
I choose him.
To hold him,
love him,
free him.
Take your token,
keep your promise.
I chose to embrace darkness
so he can see the light
within.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is a poem/story that came to me while driving and listening to Phil Collin’s, In the Air Tonight. Where it has seemed to take on a mind of it’s own, as with all stories, that firs initial push to write furiously has slowed down. So I will post as soon as my stewing and listening to the song repeatedly give me inspiration. If you have just found this story, here is the link to Part 1. I hope you enjoy.:)

Part 9  <—>  Part 11

Love’s Sacrifice – part 9

fantastic winter forest shadows at night
Desktop Nexus: Fantastic winter forest shadows at night

The choices we make,
chances we take.
Right or wrong
is the cost worth
the price?
Some wait in the wings,
watching,
judging.
Never taking that first step.
The fear of the unknown,
of being alone,
to great.
Waiting for someone else
to give them direction,
strength.
All the while hating,
despising,
those with courage,
a will of their own,
perceived freedom
to be alone.
Not understanding
while fearless outside,
the same doubt,
fear
dwells within.
The choice is,
will always be,
give into those fears,
remain in the darkness,
allow others
to own your soul,
or break free.
Live
Love
Make those choices
on your own.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is a poem/story that came to me while driving and listening to Phil Collin’s, In the Air Tonight. Where it has seemed to take on a mind of it’s own, as with all stories, that firs initial push to write furiously has slowed down. So I will post as soon as my stewing and listening to the song repeatedly give me inspiration. If you have just found this story, here is the link to Part 1. I hope you enjoy. 🙂

Part 8  <—>  Part 10

Love’s Sacrifice – part 7

Darkness 2
Desktop Nexus: Darkness

*Laughter fills the night.*
He knows nothing of love.
Cruelty
Pain
Death
These are what he is,
what he is made of.
Do you think you,
a mere human,
can change the
unchangeable?
Demon spawned,
born of darkness and hate.
He will never see the light,
will never know how to
love
Although…
he may know freedom.
If you give me a
gift.
One that you treasure most.
Give it to me freely
and I may
…consider
releasing him from his bonds.
Just a small token
is all I ask.
Will you acquiesce
or is your love not worth your
life?

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is something that came to me yesterday while driving. I was listening to Phil Collin’s In The Air Tonight. I let it simmer overnight and began writing this morning with that song playing in the background. The poem seems to have taken on a life of its own. What will her answer be?

Part 6  <—>  Part 8

Love’s Sacrifice – part 6

895981-bigthumbnail
Desktop Nexus: Kiss

To embrace darkness
is to be lost.
I do not wish to be lost
yet I will not give you
what you want.
There is no hatred in my heart,
no guilt to be found
for none has been earned.
I came here
free of will.
I chose to follow
that which you do not have.
I chose to follow
my heart.
I chose love.

Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes

This is something that came to me yesterday while driving. I was listening to Phil Collin’s In The Air Tonight. I let it simmer overnight and began writing this morning with that song playing in the background. The poem seems to have taken on a life of its own. We will see where it goes, together.

Part 5  <—> Part 7