Don’t tell me
you don’t remember,
that you had no choice.
I can see it in your eyes,
hear it in your voice.
You wanted this,
you wanted him.
Wanted to be connected
in a way that no words
can describe.
And now
you have lost
me.
Copyright © 2016 Heidi Barnes
COMING SOON
Editing. Such a lovely pastime…..not. I know I’ve written about this before. A lot of the times there are gaps in my posting, whether blog, poem or story, it’s because I’m not sure I’ve written about the subject before and I don’t necessarily want to repeat myself. This particular subject, probably because I’m in the middle of editing right now, has been bugging me to write about so here I am. Early Sunday morning when I should still be sleeping, with my first cup of coffee, definitely not my last, talking about editing.
So where was I. Oh yes, this lovely pastime we as writers struggle through for some unknown insane reason. 😛
At the moment, I’m on my second proof of Fated to Be from the Destiny series. Like my series Obsession, Destiny has been rewritten many times over the years. Each version changing and evolving. But not so much as this last time. This time I realized what was missing and decided to add it to the story, a supernatural element, and wallah! It started to make sense to me. Unfortunate, it also added characters and changed a lot of what I had already written. The hardest part for me is what of the already written pages still work and what doesn’t. This dilemma has slowed down the writing process, a lot.
Now I don’t know about you, but there are some passages that when I first wrote them I really like them and I don’t necessarily want to lose them. So I spend hours, sometimes days, trying to make them work until suddenly I decided it has to go. To me, this is like cutting off my right arm. These words are my baby come to life on paper. Some passages that are large enough that I cut and paste them onto another document that I label “excerpts” of whatever book I’m working on. This is an attempt to save their life, telling myself that maybe I’ll use them at some later date when I know that will probably never happen. It doesn’t mean what I come up with isn’t just as good and probably fits much better in the story as it is now. It’s just hard to let go of something that has been written down for a very, very long time. (Yes, I’m old enough to use ‘very’ twice when added to the word ‘time’. :P)
Hopefully, when I open the proof today, I am still in that mindset that if it doesn’t work, stop trying to make it fit and let it go. As I writer I want you to enjoy the book. Have it flow like it does in my head and feel what I feel. Not get mired down in the convoluted mess trying to use something that no longer works can create.
So on that note, I bid you have a lovely, and if you live in Washington, hopefully not to wet Sunday and I will see you all later. 🙂
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
With one word
one slight touch
the world can change
turn upside down
never be the same
no matter how much
we strive to believe
Hold me in your arms
Tell me that you will never leave
Promise me the road before us
will end with our dreams realized
for to step into the unknown
is a frightening prospect
Fight for me
and I will fight for you
Show me that I matter
that you want me in your life
that you will do whatever it takes
to keep me by your side
keep me safe
Is it too much to ask
that you do for me
what I will do for you?
Life is give and take
right and wrong
and something in between
Together we are strong
we can find our way
in the unknown
if only you believe in us
If you say yes
we can be victorious
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
It was less than a second, maybe half a second, but it changed everything. I don’t know how to explain it. It happened so fast and at the same time it took forever. It was almost like magic, but not in a good sort of way.
I was reaching for the coffee and there was a noise. Just a small noise, but it was enough to catch my attention so I turned to see what it was, and there it stood. Small and furry, the mouse sat on the shelf staring at me as if it was contemplating the meaning of life. I suppose it was. I had never seen a mouse like this. The white fur was dotted with brown splotches, much like a pinto pony. And the ears were not so much round as they were shaped like a spade. The tail was swishing back and forth along the metal shelf, slowly, almost hypnotizing. Like a cat who was ready to pounce, using its tail as a countdown to the final lunge. But those eyes. There was too much intelligence in those eyes for a small mouse.
Slowly lowering my hand, I kept my eyes on the creature as I stepped away from the shelves. Looking away seemed like not a very good idea. Part of me thought it would disappear in a cloud of smoke, another part of me prayed it would. But it stayed on that shelf, its eyes following me, its tail slowly swishing back and forth.
Then it jumped.
With a little scream, I slammed into the shelves behind me, knocking boxes and cans off that crashed to the floor. Before my unbelieving eyes as the mouse fell it began to grow. Those small little legs stretching to the floor, the little nose elongating, the eyes growing, the ears and tail lengthening. When the hooves hit the tile floor with a clatter, yes hooves, a pinto pony stood before me. My hand to my chest as I gulped in air, desperately trying to calm my pounding heart, I stared into those large brown eyes and saw the same intelligence that the mouse had.
How? Why? What the hell?
The now horse stood proud and strong, its eyes never wavering from me, its ears stock still as its tail swished slowly back and forth as it did before when it was a mouse. Suddenly I realized it wanted something from me. What that was I had no idea. So we stared at each other, neither one moving except for me gasping for air and that damn tail swishing back and forth, back and forth.
Realizing that the thing did not mean me any harm, I slowly relaxed. Gently pushing myself from the shelves, a few more boxes falling behind me the only noise in the building that seemed as loud as boulders crashing down a mountainside, I stood on my own two feet. Unsure I would not be bitten; I reached out to the nose of the horse and placed my hand before the nose, a gesture of peace. Snorting, it nuzzled my hand. I grew bolder, running my hand up its nose to its ears. When it turned its head, pushing my hand, I smiled and obliged by scratching behind the ears.
“What do you want from me,” I mused.
Nickering, it shook its head and looked at its back.
“You want me to ride you?”
The vigorous nodding told me yes.
“I see,” I replied none too sure.
When it stomped its foot and snorted, I decided it was not going to take no for an answer. Looking down one side of the isle then the other, I realized that we were alone. That was strange since the parking lot of the store was completely full when I arrived. The pony snorted again.
“Impatient, aren’t we.”
Butting me with its head, it snorted again, this time stamping its foot on the tile floor.
“I must be mad,” I muttered shaking my head.
Taking a deep breath, I moved down the horse and took a hold of its main. After a quick thought, I bent down to see which sex the horse was.
“Male, huh. Explains the impatient part.” I could have sworn he rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to go with you, you know,” I snapped.
The look that horse gave me told me that I really had no choice in the matter, and to get on.
“Fine,” I sighed irritably.
With the ease of someone who had lived around horses all her life, I jumped onto his back. Once I was settled I asked, “Now what?”
It was a question that would forever haunt me, because what happened in that next second changed my life forever.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
This is from a prompt on Kellie Elmore’s website Magic in the Backyard.
You wake up in a field with this note on your chest. Tell the story…
A dream? Was that what it was? A dream? How can a dream seem so real?
Glancing around the field not for the first time I wondered how I got here. The last thing I remember was walking through the woods on my way home. I had been told many times not to walk there because of the legends. For years people would walk in only to reemerge years later. There was the next question. What year was it? I glanced down at the paper I clutched in my hand. “Come now, Alice. It’s only a dream.” Only a dream. Did that mean what had happened before I ended up in this field, or what was happening now? And what or who was Alice? All questions that would only be answered, I suppose, if I tried to figure out what the hell had happened.
Sighing, I pushed myself to my feet. First thing first, was I in one piece? Nothing seemed to be broken. I wasn’t bleeding anywhere. The only thing that hurt was my head, which was pounding like a freight train was running through it. Shading my eyes, I looked up at the blue sky and the blazing sun that was doing nothing to relieve my headache. Now I was higher, I could see that the field I was in was surrounded by a forest. Behind the trees was a ring of mountains with jagged peaks covered in snow. I turned, following the high peaks with my eyes trying to find a possible escape. When I found none my panic started to set in. A long mournful howl sent it in over-drive. Great. Wolves.
Stuffing the paper the back pocket of my jeans, I decided that the middle of a field was not the best place to be. I needed to find cover before the wolves found me, unless it was too late. Before I could move, a very large shadow moved over me. Since there had been no clouds in the sky when I last looked, that could only mean something very large had just flown over. Not really wanting to look yet unable to stop myself, I looked up into the sky. Aside from the sun it was empty. Shaking my head at my own overactive imagination, I began to jog towards the wood. I was halfway there when the shadow once again passed by. The grass around me flatten and my hair whipped around my head as a gust of wind almost knocked me over. Okay, overactive imagination was one thing, but that was too much. This time I did not look up, I just ran faster. I wanted the cover of the trees before I stopped to see what it was that was taunting me.
Once I was in the tree line, I took a moment to catch my breath. Once I was able to stand up straight, I took a deep breath for courage and turned to look back in the field. It was as empty as I had left it. Frowning, I carefully moved to the tree that was closest and looked up in the sky. Once again it was empty. “It’s only a dream.” Well, if this was a dream I did not like it. Hopefully I would wake up before something ate me.
Another howl filled the air followed by a second. Great. They were calling in reinforcements. I needed to find shelter and build a fire so I would have some sort of weapon against the wolves. I turned to make my way deeper in the woods.
The wolves are not your greatest adversary here, a voice rumbled through my head.
I froze.
Suddenly the trees around me began to creak, threatening to snap in two as another gust bombarded me. Grabbing my head, I crouched down, trying to make myself a smaller target for anything that might fall from the sky. When the wind stopped, I slowly lifted my head. Again I was alone, but I had had enough. Something else besides the wolves was here, and it was big. Very big. Time to stop dawdling and run. Before I could take a step there was a loud thud that shook the ground. Putting out my hands for balance, I tried to keep my feet. Once the shaking stopped, I waited for it to begin again. Once I realized the earthquake was over, I took a step.
Little human, do you really think you can hide from me? the voice rumbled through my head again. Apparently the idea amused whoever it was because I could hear laughter in its voice. I wasn’t sure what worried me more. The fact I was hearing voices, or that it called me human.
“Who are you?” I whispered out loud.
The voice chuckled in my head. Why don’t you turn around and find out? it smirked.
The one thing that irritated me the most was when someone was laughing at me. I had never done well with it as a child, and as a young adult I was even worse. All my life my classmates had made fun of me because I was different. I could see and do things that they could never understand because they were ‘normal’. Where there were times I wished I were normal, the ability to hear other peoples’ thoughts, see their intentions, had saved my ass more than once. Aside from my parents, there was only one person I trusted with all my secrets and that is because he came to my rescue more than once. Unfortunately, John was not here this time. This time I was on my own.
You are never alone, little human. You will always have those who will protect you with their lives. Except for maybe now, the voice mused. This time you must prove yourself to me.
”And who are you?” I asked not really sure I wanted to know.
Turn around and find out, the amusement back.
Closing my eyes and tightly fisting my hands, I did my best to pull back my fear. I was not helpless. I had my ability and years of training. I knew there were those who wanted me and had prepared to fight back with everything I had. I just had thought John would be with me. He always had in the past.
The past is the past. This is the present. Turn around and face your fate or run like the coward we believe you are. It is your choice, the voice rumbled. I could hear the shrug in its voice. It did not care either way what I did, as if it already knew the outcome. Well I was no coward.
Opening my eyes, I unclenched my fist, took a deep breath, gathered my wits and powers around me and turned around. What stood in the middle of the field took the fire right out of me. Oh…my…god!
Standing proudly in the middle of the field on standing on all fours with its wings extended out to the side as to emphases just how huge it was, was a gigantic purple dragon. The smooth scales shimmered in the sun, telling me that there was just more than the color purple in its hide. The huge leather wings flexed, bringing my eyes to them as if that was what the dragon wanted. They too shimmered, but what drew my eyes were the talons at the top of the end knuckle, large enough to gut anything that tried to attack the thing.
I am not a thing, it snorted, steam coming from it nostrils.
At least two stories high with those talons on his wings and more on its feet, I realized calling a sentient being a thing was probably not the best of ideas. Neither was fighting it, which it had insinuated it was there for. To test me. As she stared at it realized there would be no running away from this creature.
Another howl, only this time it was a course of many wolves. The dragon settled its wings onto his back and settled its belly onto the ground, his muzzle slowly swinging back and forth as it look around it. They come. It looked at me. You are running out of time, little human. Make your decision.
“What decision?” I asked stepping out from the cover of the trees.
Whether or not you will be a pawn or if you will fight. The howls became more frantic as they came closer. Hurry, little human. They are coming.
“Who is coming? I don’t understand,” I yelled in frustration taking a few more steps closer to the large beast. “What do you want from me?”
The dragon regarded me for a moment before saying with a tone that echoed in my head and sent dread throughout my entire being, Your life.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
This a FWF prompt from Kellie Elmore’s website Magic in the Backyard.
Morning :).
I have just updated the page for my series Destiny. I have added the link to the new prologue, which I think is much better than the old. Not as stilted. I have also added the book cover. For your convenience I will put both of them here. I hope you will take a look and let me know what you think. 🙂
Lately it seems that the story I have dubbed Broken Promises had been pushing at me to work on. It shows in the latest flash fiction and free writes I have been doing. Kara, Caius and Tanis keep speaking to me, (well yelling actually) asking me to pay attention to them. Aden has been silently waiting in the background, yet his presence it very much there. Out of the four, I would say Aden has the most patience. It’s probably because his presence is so powerful that he doesn’t have to say anything. You just know what he wants. The problem? I’m suppose to be working on Fated to Be! It’s very frustrating.
A little background I think is needed for this particular story. As I have said in my little excerpt about myself, my 8th grade teacher would put something on the board that we were to put in a journal and then write about. One day she put a small paragraph about a forbidden forest and a twig snapping in the quiet. I really wish I still had the original passage, but over the years I have modified it to the point the idea is there if not the exact words.
So I wrote this paragraph down and for some strange reason I could not stop writing. That early draft was all fan-fiction. I took my favorite TV shows from the 70’s (yes I am that old) and mixed them together in my own plotline. At the time it was easier to use characters and actors I knew and just write the plot, such as it was, because I had them firmly in my mind. So I would put into words the movie that was playing in my mind as best as a 14 year-old could up through high school. It was a story that never ended and anything could happen. There were no limits.
That particular rendition of Broken Promises ended up being over 700 HAND WRITTEN pages long. Unfortunately most of it was in pencil and so over time faded. I eventually had to recycle the papers because I could not read what was on them. I cried that day. I remember most of it, and let me tell you my teenage mind had some….. interesting ideas. Somewhere in there I started writing other stories with the first rendition of Obsession being in there, but that is another story for another day. With my memory probably one I have already talked about. lol
Broken Promises was a sort of Sci-Fi slash fantasy slash contemporary romance all rolled into one. When I found it in a cupboard and started to read what was left, I thought that there was a story in there somewhere that I could make all mine. I also thought with some of the scenes and they way they were written (remember I was 14 when I started), “OMG this is scary. What was I thinking! Gah! How embarrassing!” So I began rewriting, changing names of characters and places as I went. (Rewriting those scenes as an adult had much more experience in 😉 ) As per my usually way of writing, it has gone through many many rewrites and changes since then. I think I have something that might be publishable, but it’s not quite ready and I don’t have an ending I am satisfied with. The other problem I’m wrestling with is the storyline starts in the middle. I have tried to go back and rewrite the beginning, but I always get stuck. I think it’s because I am trying to update the time and place and end up going so far off what was originally written my characters balk.
So about Broken Promises. Well the Sci-Fi part is pretty self explanatory. Space, aliens, advance technology species, backwards planets, etc. The fantasy part is more that I have made up my own rendition of how the universe keeps spinning. I have another story called Angels and Demons that was started because of a free write I was participating in. As most writers have had happened, it was a picture or sentence that took on a life of its own. I have since renamed it Forever Lost, for obvious reasons. Angels and Demons was already taken in a big way. In some ways the basis for this story is the same. My version of how the universe started and how it remains still spinning today. A constant battle between good and evil (two males) over the glue (a female) that keeps everything together that has spanned time and space since the beginning. I’m starting to think that maybe the characters of Broken Promises were trying to find there footing in another way since I was ignoring them. Although the place and events are different. Both of these story are borderline horror. The atrocities the characters go through are events only immortals could survive, and sometimes not even then. A cycle that not even death can stop because they are reborn only to begin it again.
Maybe after I finally have Fated to Be published I will go back and look at Broken Promises again. Maybe finally finish it. Although I think this is a Kindle only book and my mom won’t be helping me edit it. I have scandalized her enough with the Destiny series. LOL
Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂
Heidi
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
I was reading through my blogs to see what it was I had written in my promise to myself that I would write everyday. What I found was, I was right. I really don’t have a lot to say. There were a few idea, a poem or two, little bit of creative writing, but for a day to day blog I don’t know how people do it. So I guess it’s back to when the feeling hits me whether it’s a blog or poem or short story I will post. And you know what? That’s okay. 🙂
I do have some exciting news. At least it is for me. I finally have the first proof in book form of my new novel! YEAH! Earlier I had posted on the Destiny series page a link to the prologue and part of the first chapter. As per my usual M.O., after posting what should have been set in stone, I have now decided that it will not work and have written a completely new one. As soon as I’m happy with it I will post it. As for now, all I have to give is the cover of my new book, Fated to Be. This is the second book of my series Destiny.
I’m not sure exactly when it will be published because as I am editing I am also working. Kind of cuts into my editing time. I also want to remind you that this is the FIRST proof. I’m sure there will be a couple more before I am happy with it. I will say it will be sometime this spring or summer. When I get closer I will let you know. Until then, here is the cover!
Well, it is time for bed. Have a wonderful evening and a great rest of the week. It’s almost Friday!! 😀
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
Caius watched with mixed feelings as Kara lay over Tania’s broken body sobbing. On one hand this was his brother who lay on the cold hard earth covered in blood. On the other Kara was now free to be his. It sounded cold and uncaring, but their entire existence had been one cold and uncaring moment after the next. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. There were some moments where there had been warmth and laughter. Moments when the light out weighted the dark and Kara loved him as much as she loved his brother. But even then it had ended in tragedy. Instead of Kara leaning over Tanis’s cooling dead corpse, it had been his, and it was Tanis who had comforted Kara.
The thought of Kara in his brother’s arms did not bring the wave of jealousy that usually followed. Instead it only brought a sort of sadness that seeped into Caius’s bones and settled deep inside. This was not the first time they were at this time and space, and the Gods help them, it would not be the last. In fact, it was the Gods that had cursed them with this life. Life and death. Birth and rebirth. Over and over until one life blurred into another and they had lost count how many centuries had passed since the beginning of their existence. All so the universe could stay in existence and the inhabitants could continue their evolution until time itself had no meaning.
They had come to the end of this lifetime. One of them no longer existed, and the two that were left only had a finite amount of time to do what needed to be done before the others found them and started the cycle all over again. The hardest deaths were when it was Kara lying there. Though that had only happened once, that Caius could remember, once was enough. The black lash of that catastrophe had sent them millenniums back in time. There were still worlds in the outer regions that were still reeling from it.
Kara was the glue that kept everything together. The reason Tanis and Caius fought to own her heart. And once that fight was ended, the unrelenting jealousy that spurned them on disappeared. Jealousy, hatred, love, all rolled into one confusing emotion. How can one hate their brother as much as they loved them?
That was a discussion for another time. Now they had no time. Not if they wanted to end this vicious cycle of live and death they were trapped in.
“Kara,” he called softly, kneeling down beside her and gently placing his hand on her back. “We need to leave or there won’t be enough time.”
Lifting her head, she turned her blue eyes to Caius. The anguish in them tore at his heart. Forever in the middle, Kara was the one who suffered the most. It was the reason Caius was desperate to get her away from here. If they stayed too long, there would only be more misery to heap onto what was already burying them.
Intricate braids held her long brown hair away from her face. The rest cascaded down her back in thick curls. Her leather battle gear was splattered with the blood of Caius’s army and Tanis’s. She had fought bravely, but the exhaustion from the battle and the weight of their burden made her frightfully pale.
“Why?” she asked, her voice hoarse with her tears. “They will only find us and it will be far worse than if we just stay and wait for the enviable.”
“That is not true and you know it,” Caius snapped in frustration.
“Isn’t it? We have battled for our very existence, for the universes existence since the beginning of time. I for one am tired. Let them come. Then maybe I can sleep.”
Her voice and expression were so defeated that it frightened Caius. This was not the brave warrior that Caius knew Kara to be. Had the elders finally broken her? If they had, Caius would reign down his own kind of hell upon their heads for daring to hurt what he loved.
“You don’t meant that….”
Kara jumped to there feet and backed away from him. Anger and the horror of their lives rolling off her in waves.
“I can’t do this anymore!” she yelled. “Let them have me! I won’t play their sick game any longer!” Raising her arms to her sides and turning in a slow circle, she screamed to the heavens, “You hear me you cowards! I won’t fight your battles anymore!”
The sky grew dark. Thunder shook the ground beneath them as lightening streaked through the sky. The gods apparently did not appreciate being called cowards.
Caius jumped up and wrapped his arms round Kara, holding her close. “Kara! Shush!” he hissed.
“No!” she screamed struggling to get free of him, but Caius would not let go. “I will not stay quiet any longer!”
Another clap of thunder as a bolt of lightening struck right beside them, sending Caius and Kara flying through the air.
The sudden silence was deafening.
When Caius came to, the skies were filled with dark clouds and a light rain was falling, beginning the cleaning of the battle field. The sound of carrion fighting over corpses in growls, yips, squawks and screams that all blended in his mind spurring the headache into something epic. Every part of his body ached, the smell of burnt flesh permeated his senses, and yet for some reason he was still alive. What the hell had happened?
Among all the chaos, one thought broke through the pain and agony and sent his heart racing. Where was Kara?
After searching what seemed like an eternity, he found her lying in the mud at the edge of the battle field. Her clothes and skin were burnt along her back where the lightening bolt had struck. It was then that Caius realized that she had taken the brunt of the strike. It was the only explanation as to why he was still alive and she stared lifelessly into the sky.
Tears streaming down his face, Caius closed Kara’s eyes then gently picked her lifeless body and carried her to where Tanis lay. Lying her down next to his brother, he brushed the hair from her face, memorizing every feature to hold him over for what was to come. Leaning down he kissed her forehead before resting his cheek against hers.
“I promise you I will fix this,” he whispered in her ear. “When I see you again, I will fix this.”
With one last kiss, Caius, step back and disappeared from the field to a cave on a small planet that those who controlled their lives could not find him. Here would begin a quest that would lead him to places he never thought he would travel so he could save the one woman who owned his heart and the brother that owned hers. What he did not expect was how long it would take, and the demon he would awaken that wanted to destroy them all.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
I was swept away
could not see
the danger that surrounds you,
surrounds me.
Emotions are high
as each word lies are bared.
The world spins out of control
betrayal runs deep,
time is not on our side
evil lurks in misty shadow
waiting
biding its time.
For evil that hunts us
knows the opportunity will come
when our defenses are weak
when our eyes see none.
Then at his mercy we will be
our end is his goal.
Our fate in the hands
of destiny’s cold hold.
© 2015 Heidi Barnes
Currently Researching the Disaster of Pompeii in 79 A.D.
An Empyrean Cycle
Fiction, Nonfiction, and Poetry Journal
Mindfulness, Philosophy, Spirituality, Meditation, Awareness, Religion, Nature Photography
Layers Of Life
Novelist, Poet, Wordsmith
Excerpts from book writings :)
To See What I See 