Ever since you entered my life
the world has tilted precariously
the ground uneven
beneath my feet
If this is what love is
a chaos of emotions
lifting me then dropping suddenly
only to be lifted once again
leaving me breathless, disoriented
I am yours.
Copyright 2017 Heidi Barnes
The days go by
one by one
there seems no end
to this torment
and scorn
When lines are crossed
and bridges burned
there is no turning back
no redemption earned
The chasm before me
is wide and deep
Desert lay behind
green and lush before me sweeps
Crossing into the unknown
is scary at best
One last bridge
one foot forward
one last hope
for a life worth living.
Copyright 2017 Heidi Barnes
A year. 365 days. Seems like a long time, doesn’t it. Yet it seems to fly by in a blink of an eye. December is suddenly here and one starts to think, did I do everything I set out to do? Then the year turns in to years and the thought, Why didn’t I go on that trip I planned to go on when I was twenty? Years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds. All gone before you know they are there. I may not accomplish everything I set out to do, or go on that trip I wanted to go on. But I do have to say there is very little I regret in my life. Mostly stupid things that came out on those instances when my filter decided it wasn’t going to work. Very annoying.
2016 is gone. Regrets are wasted energy when 2017 looms before us. Do I hope we have a better year than last? Yes. 2016 was one filled with upheaval, death, and anger. Here is hoping for a year we can be proud of. A year that we live through relatively unscathed. Only time will tell.
Happy New Year!
Heidi
Copyright 2017
Darkness surrounds me
threatens to consume
at ever turn.
Make me into something
a mother would spurn.
I try to fight it
with thoughts of love
hope
family
all that is good in life,
but despair is ever my bane,
taking that which was once good
turning it into hatred
burning hot
bright.
Beware of creatures
living deep within,
claws sharpen
teeth gnashing,
sinking deep into flesh
releasing poison
to blacken souls,
rendering chaos
before taking flight.
Hold onto the light
grasp with both hands
cling to hope with desperation
or darkness will consume
life until with one blink
existence is
no more.
Copyright 2017 Heidi Barnes
It seems to come in spurts. Loss is never easy, but when you lose more than one person in a short period of time it’s hard to see the light for the darkness.
In the town where I grew up, in a twenty-four hour period there has been a loss of three people that have touched many lives. One of them a classmate of mine. Suddenly mortality is front and center. If someone I knew as a child, is the same age as I am, is now gone. When will it be my time? When will I suddenly not be here? Makes one stop and think, have I done everything I want to do? Have I told those that I love that I love them recently? Another is a classmates mother. That is luckily something I have not gone through yet, but at the moment scares me. I am not ready to lose a parent. It was hard enough when my grandmother passed.
I know this is slightly depressing for the holidays, but even though loss can be devastating, can surround you with darkness and pain, the light is always there. You just need to look for it, search high and low until you see a glimmer and then hold on for all it’s worth. Even though it can feel like it, life does not end, it does not stop just because a loved one has moved on. You must still live yours. Do it as best as you can. Where the pain never really goes away, and it can come back and knock you to your knees unexpectedly, it does become manageable.
There is light in the darkness. Find it and live on.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
Quiet
Darkness speaks
Do you know
what it says
Make no sudden moves
fire breathes life
the heathens rise
Make no mistake
you may fly
attempt to escape
when chaos
drags you under
Fight
for life
Fight
for freedom
Fight
for love
Fight
for you
and all that is yours
Fight
or the heathens may
win…
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
Breathe
before it’s to late
Breathe
allow the chaos to abate
Breathe
I will wait
Breathe
Whatever it takes
try to remember
when your world starts to break
Breathe
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
It was an everyday tea party. Nothing seemed amiss with the world, or at least our little corner of it. The sun was shining. The blue of the sky so brilliant that it dazzled the eye. Large white fluffy clouds intermittently drifted across looking like large cotton balls, yet never seemed to float across the face of the sun. The light breeze was warm, stirring the bogavia and large white mums that climbed the trellises around us. Large hats in different pastels to match expensive sheath dresses and matching patent heals. Laughter, small talk, red lipstick smiles, the eyes obscured by large rimmed hats.
Just an everyday tea party in an empty life where nothing goes wrong, yet anything can happen.
A spark in the darkness. Such a little thing. Almost unnoticeable, unless you know where to look. Time moves on, the spark grows into a flame. Coaxed to life by winds of change. Some change is good, some bad. Only time can tell as the emptiness fills whether the flame will light the way, or burn into chaos and ruin.
Feed the flame. Embrace it. Let it burn the emptiness away. What do you have to lose when you have nothing to begin with anyways?
Just an everyday tea party. Large rimmed pastel hats, small talk and laughter.
Blood red lips curve into a smile. The time is right, the pieces in place. The inspecting mass naively compliant. The hat slowly lifts, the smile smug, knowing what is to come and relishing the outcome. Finally eyes come into view. The deepest blue of sapphire flash in the light of the sun. In a nothing life where everything is possible, chaos begins tonight.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
This in answer to a prompt of mine. Word Bank Prompt. Please, take some time, take a look, and see what tale the words spin for you.
Bruised,
battered,
broken,
and still you
rise from the ashes
of defeat to fight
another day.
Courage has nothing to do
with determination.
We all have demons,
we all at one time feel
lost,
even if we do not admit it to others
to ourselves.
Take a moment
process,
heal,
catch your breath.
I will not judge or criticize
It is not my place.
All I ask is that,
in time,
you pick yourself up,
brush off the dust that is your pain
and try again.
Never forget
never diminish
what you have endured.
It will make you who you are.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
Don’t tell me how I should live.
Don’t judge me because of how I feel,
how I pray,
how I see the world,
how I live.
Don’t think that your words
are all that there is.
I am who I am.
If you do not like what you see,
please,
leave.
I will not keep you
if you do not want to stay.
Just remember,
your actions,
your words
will tell who you are,
how you feel,
how you live.
Sooner or later you will have to answer
for all that you have done,
said.
It will not be I who judge you,
but you will
in the end
be judged.
I know I am not perfect,
I have flaws.
We all do.
I can live with most of mine.
Can you?
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
Currently Researching the Disaster of Pompeii in 79 A.D.
An Empyrean Cycle
Fiction, Nonfiction, and Poetry Journal
Mindfulness, Philosophy, Spirituality, Meditation, Awareness, Religion, Nature Photography
Layers Of Life
Novelist, Poet, Wordsmith
Excerpts from book writings :)
To See What I See 