The wall seemed to go on forever. Not unlike the road I was traveling that was my life. And endless nothing that was only broken by the cracks and cranny’s filled with moss and grime, clogging up what was once beautiful shiny new. I’m not sure how my life became this way, or how I came upon this wall. All I knew was it seemed endless and daunting and worn. Worn away from time and neglect. Never turning, never changing, always endless.
A flash. Nothing more. Just a quick glimpse of blue in the faded orange and grey. Stopping I wonder if maybe I was seeing things. Wishful thinking for something that I could never have. A different path, a bright light in the dimness around me.
But it cannot be. Not for me. I have done nothing to warrant a chance to evolve, to change. I take a step forward then stop again. Uncertain of what I should do. Should I keep going on the endless path that is taking me nowhere, or should I turn back and see if what I saw was true.
Curiosity overcomes me and I turn around. I was always told never to look back. That the past is in the past. Yet today, this moment, I look back and I see…nothing. Frowning I almost turn around but now that I have looked I cannot look away. Another step and I see a sliver of something in the wall. Something that is not natural, that is…blue. Now I move quickly, wanting, no needed to know what it is that has broken this endless cycle. And there it is. The flash of blue now revealed in all its glory.
As I stared at the door, as worn and neglected as the endless wall, I wonder how it came here. Who put it here and why? Where does it lead? There is no handle, although it looks as if all I have to do is breath on it and it will fall open. Before I realize what I am doing, I reach out, my fingers hesitating just before they touch the frail wood and peeling paint. My heartrate has skyrocketed, my breath coming in gasps and I struggle to suck in precious air. I have no idea what lays behind this door. How can I just push it open? I know the path I am on is endless and worn, but it is also safe. What if whatever is behind this door is…new? What if it is one of those dreams I used to dream come to reality and everything…changes for the worst? What if…?
I look to my left and I look to my right. Endless crumbling moldy wall greet me and suddenly I realize that I cannot do this any longer. I cannot live in this safe world I have created around me because it is slowly suffocating me. I need to live. To enjoy the precious gift I have been given called life. I need to soar.
Determination takes a hold, and before I can say no my hand pushes on the peeling paint and the door flies open revealing…..
2015 Heidi Barnes
Each of us has our own journey. Whether we go left or right or simply open the door everything we know will be changed for better or worse. Or you can continue on the path before you that is safe and maybe a little worn. I did not finish this because I believe you need to find your own answer as to what is behind the blue door. If you wish to share I would be interested to hear what it is.
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Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂