Reoccurring dreams. I had one last night. This is a new one, by which I mean in the last fifteen years or so. Not from my younger years. It never finishes and always leaves me uneasy. I also don’t remember all of it. They say that dreams can be your subconscious trying to figure something out that is bothering you or you’ve put on the back burner and now it has time to mull it over. I’m not sure with reoccurring though. I did have one that was rather disturbing that I had through my teen years. It was always the same, bloody, stressful with an ending that left me exhausted and haunted even after I woke up. There was a person, male, that was what I would call one of the leaders, but his face was never clear so I never knew who he was. It was not until I actually met that person (Yes, you read that right. Met. Not already knew.) when I was nineteen that the dream finally stopped haunting me. How I knew was because I had the dream one last time and the face was finally clear. I actually have that one written down somewhere.
The one I had last night is not as bloody, but it was stressful. I am seeing through someone else’s eyes. So it is me, yet it is not, living through this dream. We are in danger. Someone, or ones, are wanting something that we have. A person that can change the tide if they capture him or her. I know who it is, even though I don’t think I’m suppose to. The people in control don’t know I know, and that in itself is a danger. We are crowded in a room that looks a lot like Greek ruins, with stadium like seating but small. I see a male seated up towards the top that I recognize and there is a very strong connection, yet I don’t want him to know I am there. We lock eyes but there are too many between us so we are stuck where we are. I try not to make eye contact again, ignoring him, but I feel his eyes on me. This is not good because if the wrong person notices that will bode ill for us.
We are in water. The channel that is in between the island where I have a cabin and the next so it is familiar, but the water is smooth, calm, no current. Almost like a lake. There are many of us and we are in the middle treading water. It is warm. The first time through the dream (I went through it many times because it never resolves itself, looping at the end over and over until I finally wake up in an attempt to get out of it, only to fall back into it) there are shark fins and we all scramble to get to shore before someone is attacked. The second, or third, I’m not sure, time I keep waiting for the fins, but none come. It makes me even more nervous because I don’t know what will come next. By now I know it’s a dream so I try to change it, make it do what I want. It doesn’t work.
Then it switches to a room. At least I think it is a room. This is where the dream keeps looping and blurs together, never ending, never clear and never going the way I think or want it to go. It’s very frustrating. That male that was in the beginning is there along with others, although he seems to keep to the shadows, always watching. There is some arguing, people telling me that I can’t have what I want and I refuse to listen. Trying again and again to make it right because they are wrong. They have to be wrong.
I woke tired, confused and frustrated because it would not end. Until it does I don’t think it will ever stop haunting me. There is more, but the images keep slipping through my fingers as I try to remember them. Now it is mostly feelings and knowing that it is not over. It may never be over.
Copyright 2016 Heidi Barnes
To See What I See 