Daydream…or memory

A friend of mine, who when we write think a lot alike, posted a blog from her daily writing back in February of 2013 to a prompt called “It was a Daydream”. As a lot of her poems or short stories do, it got me thinking and what I thought of had to be written down. 

The storyline is from my series Obsession, the time frame between Deceptions and Absolution. Consider this a…backstory. A small glimpse into a piece Kirsten’s life that was actually written after the series was finished…maybe. 😉 Where I posted this on my other website in February, I just found the handwritten copy and thought I would repost it here. This is what I wrote to “It was a Daydream”.

I stared out the window, wishing not for the first time I was outside enjoying the blue sky with the warmth of the sun on my skin. Anything was better than sitting inside staring at the computer screen.

The scene changes. I am staring out at a blue ocean. The breeze off the water cools my hot skin as it blows strands of my hair across my eyes. Hands gently caress my shoulders, a warm body moves against my back. I close my eyes as his lips touch the crook of my neck. The feel of his skin against mine is heaven. A sensation all that more precious because it is so rare. So dangerous.

“What are you thinking about?” his voice murmers against my skin.
At the moment all I coud think, all I could feel was the sensation his breath on my skin sent through me making my body tingle with anticipation as things lower tightened almost painfully. HIs hands tightened at the catch in my breath and he pulled me tighter against him. A slow flex of his hips tell me his reaction to that one catch.

“Step away from her,” a low dangerous voice commanded.

We both froze.

Opening my eyes, I kept them on the blue water before me. The hands on my arms convulsed then slowly, reluctantly slid from them. As he moved away from me the sun suddenly no longer felt as warm as it had moments before.

“Kirsten,” Alex said, his voice telling me in that one word just how angry he was. But I refused to give him what he wanted. I refused to show him any guilt for there was none.
I turned my eyes to his, a smile on my lips, my expression as neutral as my eyes.

“You’re home early,” I said calmly.

Alex’s eyes moved to the man who stood a few steps behind me. “Not early enough,” he said angrily.

Forcing my body to remain relaxed, I stepped towards him, stopping directly in front of him. Reaching up I placed my fingertips on his cheek, bringing those angry eyes to mine. If he was to be angry then he would be angry with me. I would not let others pay for my situation. Not if I could help it. Looking into his eyes I frowned. There was more than his jealously fueling his anger. It was the knowledge I needed to distract him from what he had seen.

“What has happened?” I asked.

Alex continued to glare at me, but when I only continued to frown at him, he closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly he wrapped his arms around me, holding me as if I would disappear into mist.

“I cannot lose you,” he breathed into my hair.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered back tightening my arms around him.

A movement caught my eyes. The sadness that met my eyes from the shadows of the trees matched my own. I would not be going anywhere not because I wanted to stay, but because I had no choice. Just as I had no choice in whose arms held me, whose lips found mind, whose body covered mine as I spent long nights making love. The man who held me now owned me, and he would never let me go. Ever.

…..

“Kirsten?” a concerned voice called startling me back to the hear and now. I looked up into Cody’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry,” I said clearing my throat and blinking back the tears that threatened to overflow.

“Did you say something?” I concentrated on the screen before me knowing if I looked at him I would lose what little control over my emotions that I had.

A hand over mine, gently pressing it to the mouse I held stopped me.

“Don’t,” he said gently.

That one word, the tone of his voice. It said it all. Don’t hide from me. Don’t push me away. Don’t feel alone because I am here, if you need me. But in order to keep those I loved alive I had to be alone. I could not lose a loved one. Not again. I would not survive.

~ © 2013 Heidi Barnes

Here is Annie’s response if you would like to read it. I highly recommend.  “Only a Dream”

Choices

I don’t understand.

What is it you want from me?

I have given you everything.

My life,

my loyalty

my soul,

but it is never enough.

Now you ask me to forsake

what is most important to me.

My heart,

my love.

For what?

Your ideals?

Your beliefs?

They are not mine

and I do not believe in forcing

what is not meant to be.

I will not live this lie anymore

and you will not use me

as your catalyst for your war.

So take your beliefs,

your quest,

your kingdom.

I do not want them.

Instead I choose life,

my life,

my own,

and I will live it

with someone who loves me

for who I am,

not for who they want me to be.

If you still do not understand,

I choose me.

~ © Heidi Barnes 2014

 

Angel of Music

Angel of Music
sings softly to me.
Whispering promises
not meant to be.
True love kisses
breaks spellbound heart.
Angel of Music
now silent,
lost.
Desperate to keep
what once was his,
Angel of Music
falls from heaven
to evil’s bliss
to find love taken
yet not returned,
is love lost
in a kiss.
Discovery opens eyes
to misery deep,
Angel of Music
for love forgiven weeps.

~ © 2014 Heidi Barnes

While I was watching the Phantom of the Opera the other day, I had written a poem. Then as I was about to finish it, happy with what I had written, I lost it. Let’s just say it was not a happy moment. While this is not the original, part of it came back to me and I posted that on Twitter. This morning the rest came to me so I finished it. 🙂

Shattered

Image: Desktop Nexus Miserable
Image: Desktop Nexus
Miserable

Pieces of my soul
lay shattered before me,
windows into my past,
present,
future
open for all to see.
Where were the promises,
where were the vows,
to keep my soul,
my heart,
in the shelter of your love?
Why did you forsake me
when I needed you most?
Answers I must have!
I will find you,
I will seek my revenge
then, maybe, my soul will piece together
and I can live again.

~ © 2014 Heidi Barnes

Vows in the Dark

Image: Desktop Nexus Warrior
Image: Desktop Nexus
Warrior
I wait,
tomorrow a lifetime away.
Promises made in the dark,
with light brings knowledge. 
As reality sets in
will vows in the dark
make it to heaven’s gate
while demons still wage war,
abandoned to fate?
 
As sun rises
and the hordes descend,
what darkness holds
warm and safe
fades away to cold.
 
Swords brought forth hiss,
sparks fly
as metal hits.
When all seems lost,
the sun setting in the west,
I look desperately for a sign
that this war is to end.
 
High above
on hilltop horizon
a lone figure watches,
waiting to be noticed.
Eyes meet mine,
and I know,
his vows are true,
the horde’s reign is at an end.
 
The horizon darkens
as figures appear,
lining hilltop, sun light glinting
on armor, swords and spears.
With battle cry roaring
they descend into the fray,
with renewed vigor and smile of triumph
I return to battle as day ends.
 
With defeat imminent,
the hordes flee into the night,
the day is won,
heaven’s gates stand strong.
 
~ © 2014 Heidi Barnes

Never Unmake

Words unspoken,

time unbroken,

before peace can begin.

Searching for something

out of reach.

Feather light touch

whispered words of faith.

Bring to me

words of love,

of strength,

and give me promises

you will never

unmake.

~ © Heidi Barnes

Anew

Image: Desktop Nexus
Image: Desktop Nexus

Light flashes in the night

Booming thunder shakes the house

Pounding rain fills the air

Rivers gorge on its wealth

Rushing, churning

Taking everything in its path

In careless abandonment

To paces unknown.

The quiet is deafening

As the storm spent passes on

Hesitantly, one by one, birds call out

As if afraid to bring natures wraith

Upon them.

Air so clean and bright

Sun peaks its rays in the night

Dawn brings a new day

Birds sing with glee as seeds poke their heads

Through soil drenched in love.

Life renews and continues on

Paths set out before

Those ready to learn lessons

Until time grows short and darkness descends

Asleep until called again to being anew.

 

 ~ © Heidi Barnes

Through Shadow and Mist

I walk through shadow and mist

my eyes open to darkness,

my heart broken,

twisted

with endless torment.

I read the sands of time

to see mistakes

deniably not mine,

yet my life they intertwine.

Unavoidable pain

inflicted with malice,

indifferent to others,

cold and calculated,

unkind.

 

I hear a voice

soft yet clear

insistent in its message.

Forgiveness is redemption

redemption is peace.

But peace is elusive

when pain is so near,

even time does not heal

that which was ripped away,

so violently extinguished.

 

Faith is not broken

for life circles

never ending the course

souls partake.

I hear a voice,

soft yet clear,

I am never far

my heart to yours.

We will meet again

in time and place,

together forever

our souls one do make.

 ~ © Heidi Barnes