Pondering Seasons

I walk this path
Through orange and red
Down leaf strewn road
To winter’s bed.
With sleepy eyes
I gaze to the sky
Wondering what will come
When life springs high.
Will love return
Burn long and true,
Or will the sun’s rays
Burn too bright
Turning life into ashes
Bitter brew?
So I walk
One step, one time
Unto mysteries untold
Words swirling in my head
Waiting to be said.
I do not pause
On my journey’s trail
To ponder these words,
My future entails.
For Destiny’s mystery
Cannot be solved
With simple words
In rhyme or prose.

© 2014 Heidi Barnes

The Dreams We Dream…..

   I was looking through my many composition/journal books where I keep my ramblings, story ideas, chapters that I hand wrote before typing into the computer and the odd dreams or two. I came across this reoccurring dream and thought I would share. I’m not sure why I have this dream. It comes in spurts, more times when I was younger, and I have no idea why I have this dream. Just that it is very vivid and I am usually exhausted in the morning. This is not edited, much. I wrote it down as I remembered it, and as in most of my dreams, it may be disjointed, strange. So please, bear with me.
Anyway, here it is……

   Four people all hiding who they really were, what there powers are. Two main characters are good guys hiding in the town by false identities. One bad guy, not hiding but threatens to expose the males if the girl with them does not choose him.
   It is in a town that is familiar to me, with stores, a main street and houses in the surrounding area, yet is a lot busier than normal. The male does not know about the deal she has made, but he does know there is a threat. That his enemy is ready to destroy his and his friend’s world if they do not give him what he wants. But there is no choice. The good male will not give up the girl to someone as evil as his enemy.
    The girl has no choice if she wants those she cares about to remain unharmed. She accepts the terms of the agreement. She goes with the enemy and does not tell her friends or the man she truly loves.
    There is danger all around. Buildings are exploding and she is out saving innocents even though she is supposed to stay safe, hidden from the enemy. But she is eventually caught with a group of others and brought to the leader.
    The scene changes to a compound that is surrounded by a high concrete wall. The main building is made of concrete and large. A mix of warehouse and keep. There are men and women running around carrying weapons, yelling orders or for help as the sound of explosions can be heard all around. There is smoke and fire, yet within the walls it is contained, but above the wall she can see the glow of fire against the ever present smoke. Someone recognizes her and pulls her from the group to take to his leader.
    Her enemy lavishes her with gifts but she is still a prisoner and objects, no matter how pretty or how expensive, do not replace love. He won’t let her out of his sight, but she finally manages to allude him for a short period of time. Just for a few minutes of peace. No one can understand why she wants to escape him. Why she is unhappy when he gives her everything. She tires to explain but they do not understand.

   This is where the dream ends. It never really seems to end. Just an endless loop that continues to circle around and around. Maybe someday I will understand….or not. 🙂 Have a wonderful day.

I Am Quiet

~Desktop Nexus  In the Shadows
~Desktop Nexus
In the Shadows

I am quiet,

I am torn.

My words may be deep

but to the shadows I keep.

Words are spoken

their meaning a small token.

To keep silent,

remain pliant,

I must step away

less my mind be swayed.

Watching,

waiting,

to see stories unfold

before I decide my words untold.

The time will be right

when emotions follow with might.

I am quiet,

I am torn.

Shadows are deep

my soul I will keep.

 

~ © 2014 Heidi Barnes

 

Daydream…or memory

A friend of mine, who when we write think a lot alike, posted a blog from her daily writing back in February of 2013 to a prompt called “It was a Daydream”. As a lot of her poems or short stories do, it got me thinking and what I thought of had to be written down. 

The storyline is from my series Obsession, the time frame between Deceptions and Absolution. Consider this a…backstory. A small glimpse into a piece Kirsten’s life that was actually written after the series was finished…maybe. 😉 Where I posted this on my other website in February, I just found the handwritten copy and thought I would repost it here. This is what I wrote to “It was a Daydream”.

I stared out the window, wishing not for the first time I was outside enjoying the blue sky with the warmth of the sun on my skin. Anything was better than sitting inside staring at the computer screen.

The scene changes. I am staring out at a blue ocean. The breeze off the water cools my hot skin as it blows strands of my hair across my eyes. Hands gently caress my shoulders, a warm body moves against my back. I close my eyes as his lips touch the crook of my neck. The feel of his skin against mine is heaven. A sensation all that more precious because it is so rare. So dangerous.

“What are you thinking about?” his voice murmers against my skin.
At the moment all I coud think, all I could feel was the sensation his breath on my skin sent through me making my body tingle with anticipation as things lower tightened almost painfully. HIs hands tightened at the catch in my breath and he pulled me tighter against him. A slow flex of his hips tell me his reaction to that one catch.

“Step away from her,” a low dangerous voice commanded.

We both froze.

Opening my eyes, I kept them on the blue water before me. The hands on my arms convulsed then slowly, reluctantly slid from them. As he moved away from me the sun suddenly no longer felt as warm as it had moments before.

“Kirsten,” Alex said, his voice telling me in that one word just how angry he was. But I refused to give him what he wanted. I refused to show him any guilt for there was none.
I turned my eyes to his, a smile on my lips, my expression as neutral as my eyes.

“You’re home early,” I said calmly.

Alex’s eyes moved to the man who stood a few steps behind me. “Not early enough,” he said angrily.

Forcing my body to remain relaxed, I stepped towards him, stopping directly in front of him. Reaching up I placed my fingertips on his cheek, bringing those angry eyes to mine. If he was to be angry then he would be angry with me. I would not let others pay for my situation. Not if I could help it. Looking into his eyes I frowned. There was more than his jealously fueling his anger. It was the knowledge I needed to distract him from what he had seen.

“What has happened?” I asked.

Alex continued to glare at me, but when I only continued to frown at him, he closed his eyes. Taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly he wrapped his arms around me, holding me as if I would disappear into mist.

“I cannot lose you,” he breathed into my hair.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered back tightening my arms around him.

A movement caught my eyes. The sadness that met my eyes from the shadows of the trees matched my own. I would not be going anywhere not because I wanted to stay, but because I had no choice. Just as I had no choice in whose arms held me, whose lips found mind, whose body covered mine as I spent long nights making love. The man who held me now owned me, and he would never let me go. Ever.

…..

“Kirsten?” a concerned voice called startling me back to the hear and now. I looked up into Cody’s concerned eyes.

“Sorry,” I said clearing my throat and blinking back the tears that threatened to overflow.

“Did you say something?” I concentrated on the screen before me knowing if I looked at him I would lose what little control over my emotions that I had.

A hand over mine, gently pressing it to the mouse I held stopped me.

“Don’t,” he said gently.

That one word, the tone of his voice. It said it all. Don’t hide from me. Don’t push me away. Don’t feel alone because I am here, if you need me. But in order to keep those I loved alive I had to be alone. I could not lose a loved one. Not again. I would not survive.

~ © 2013 Heidi Barnes

Here is Annie’s response if you would like to read it. I highly recommend.  “Only a Dream”

Choices

I don’t understand.

What is it you want from me?

I have given you everything.

My life,

my loyalty

my soul,

but it is never enough.

Now you ask me to forsake

what is most important to me.

My heart,

my love.

For what?

Your ideals?

Your beliefs?

They are not mine

and I do not believe in forcing

what is not meant to be.

I will not live this lie anymore

and you will not use me

as your catalyst for your war.

So take your beliefs,

your quest,

your kingdom.

I do not want them.

Instead I choose life,

my life,

my own,

and I will live it

with someone who loves me

for who I am,

not for who they want me to be.

If you still do not understand,

I choose me.

~ © Heidi Barnes 2014

 

Rain Washes my Soul

Image ~ Desktop Nexus
Image ~ Desktop Nexus

I reach up high

to touch the sky.

As rain drops fall

to wash my soul

your eyes I see

before me.

My heart feels light

though pain is near.

I shy away

because what I fear

is to lose myself

in eyes so blue,

remembering lives

no longer true.

Past is gone,

present new.

Raising my face

rain washing my soul,

one foot forward

the future takes hold.

© 2014 Heidi Barnes

Something About Rain

There is something about the rain

that eases away our fears.

Cleansing that which is soiled,

Starting new and fresh the old.

Raising my face to the heavens

I close my eyes

letting the cool drops wash over me.

A spring shower bringing new life,

new beginnings,

new hope

that a world full of hate and fear

may remember what life is truly for.

To live,

To love,

To learn.

To be equal in all eyes

as those who put us here

Do not condemn those who are different,

diverse,

for we are all brought into this world the same way

as we are taken away.

Do I not breathe the same as you do?

Do I not bleed the same as you do?

Why must I walk the same path you do

when my heart tells me it is not my path?

Why should I be forced to see,

feel,

believe

what you see as right,

when in my heart

I see it as wrong?

I do not condemn you for your differences,

do not condemn me for mine.

In the end

when life is over

we in this wondrous world

all return to that which we came,

our souls set free to find a new life,

a new beginning,

a new journey,

one that is hopefully

better than the last.

 

© 2014 Heidi Barnes

My Own Path

Footsteps in the sand
walking away from me.
Do I follow the path
that has been laid out
so clearly,
or do I make my own
destiny?
 
Do I dare to wish
upon a star
and lead the life
that fate gives to me?
Stumbling and falling
without dignity.
 
Do I fear what others think?
Build my life around
society,
or do I wander a path
with no constraints
and live my life
freely?
 
Footsteps in the sand,
the safe path laid out
clearly.
I turn left
and begin my own
destiny.
 
© 2014 Heidi Barnes

One choice; one end ~ Forever Lost

Eyes blackest night

stare through hair

darkest light.

Features beauty untold,

chiseled form

from battles centuries old.

Wings of gold and earth

spread wide flex with ease

In hands grip tight

sword and spear

seeking blood,

old transgressions to appease.

With a smile calm descends

this battle long overdo

to bitter end.

Hearts torn asunder

souls yearning to mend,

the fate of all

in one choice,

to one end.