Elusive as mist through the trees The more you reach The further it recedes. Memories of times gone by Happiness with sadness combined. These are what make me Who I am, Yet as time moves on The harder they are to retain. Help me remember, Don’t let me lose myself. For if I can’t remember who I am, How can I become the person That is me?
Copyright 2015 Heidi Barnes
The prompt if from Writing Outside the Lines #19. Go take a look at the other wonderful writings and maybe try out a few of the prompts. See where your muse takes you. 🙂
Okay. Who’s ready for Christmas? *raises hand* Not me! LOL The tree is up, thanks to my wonderful sons, and decorated. Most of the presents are wrapped. Still have a couple to get, but those are money. I really don’t have a problem with giving people money for Christmas. Sometimes the things they want cost more than one person can afford. So why not help them with reaching their goal?
What else needs to be done. Let’s see…. I finally was able to get out into the yard Saturday to clean up the mess from the last two storms and do all the fall things that I couldn’t get to. Between the rain and working on the house I’ve had no time. Saturday was actually sunny (which in the last few months is a miracle. I can honestly say the drought is over in Western Washington!) It never fails that when I clean up debris from wind storms, not long after another one hits and it’s a mess again. So now that it’s clean (I’m so going to regret this) Bring it on Mother Nature! (Yep. Going to regret that big time. 😛 )
Need to buy food and clean house. We are hosting Christmas this year so need to make it presentable. Since we are in the middle of updating the floors and molding ourselves, the downstairs isn’t quite finished. It’s getting there and looks a lot better, though. The carpeting upstairs I think is original for the house, which was build in 1984. So yeah….gross. As soon as the downstairs is done, that is the next project.
I know there are many different celebrations going on this time of year. I don’t know the names of all of them, and I’m not about to try and name them all here because I don’t want to forget any. It seems so easy to offend people these days. I say Merry Christmas and someone gets made because they don’t celebrate Christmas so somehow I offended them. If they tell me happy-whatever-your-religious-holiday-is and I’m not offended. Really, it’s okay. Everyone has their religion, and as long as they don’t try to ram it down my throat and respect that I have my own religion I’m okay with it. (Oh, and before someone says something, I don’t think telling me happy-whatever-your-religious-holiday-is is not ramming it down my throat.) Honestly, why can’t people just get along and be happy with the differences. It would be rather boring without them.
Okay, enough from me. Enjoy your holidays whenever they may fall and whatever they may be. 🙂
When I was 11, there was this new movie coming out that everyone was talking about called Star Wars. Since it was a long time ago I only remember bits and pieces of that day we went into the big city of Seattle, waited in line to go into the biggest theater I’ve ever been in, (it even had a balcony!) and watched this new Sci-Fi movie. Everyone was glued to the huge screen, and when Luke lit his Father’s lightsaber the entire theater gasped and jumped.
Since then I have probably watched Star Wars: A New Hope a hundred times. It was the one movie my best friend and I would rent when there was nothing else we wanted to see. We probably wore the video store’s copy out. (For you young’ns. A video store is a place we used to rent these things called VHS tapes.) Then Empire Strikes Back came out and we all received the shock of our lives. Darth Vader was Luke’s father! When I watched Return of the Jedi, I had just finished the book not two hours before we went to see the movie. So I had all the inner monologue in the book that you don’t hear on the big screen fresh in my head. There was a time period from when Vader too Luke to the Emperor until almost the end I had completely forgotten I was in the movie theater. I was that engrossed in the movie.
As we all know, quite a few years later Lucas decided to tell us the story of Darth Vader before A New Hope. Many criticized these movies, saying they weren’t as good and some of the actors were bad choices. Personally I liked them. In Phantom Menace, the fight between Qui-Gone Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Darth Maul is magic to watch. Yes, Jar-Jar Binks is annoying, but then that is what he’s suppose to be. And the rumor of how Anakin became Darth Vader, that last fight, was finally revealed and, from what I had heard and then seen, it was true! The only trouble I have is determining which three I call 1,2,3. I mean, do I go in order by chapters or by release date?
Now they are going to show us the next generation and their fight against a new Sith Lord that seems to worship Darth Vader in The Force Awakens. I’ve watched the trailers and speculated on some of the things I’ve seen and asked many questions of “why is this person doing this?” I will keep those speculations of myself, though, since I know some don’t want any spoilers. (I’m not sure how I would spoil anything since I haven’t even seen the movie yet, but my son insists I keep quiet so I suppose I will do this here too.)
December 18th is next Friday and I can’t wait!! 3D Imax here we come! We probably will go on the 19th in the morning. I had found that when a big movie comes out, those morning shows tend to be almost empty so no waiting in line for 3 hours before the movie. Always a bonus.
I’ve been told and have told others that when you think of something to write, write it down right away. Do I listen? Not all the time, I’m afraid. Today was one of those days that I did not listen. In my defense I was not really in a place or time where I could write something down. But I should have at least jot a few notes in my phone that would remind me. I have this free app called Notes. I keep my shopping lists, which movies I have and want to buy, poems, even book edits. I also have a list of food that I have to get when I go up to Anacortes from this wonderful deli called Gere-a-Deli that if I don’t bring home I get the evil eye from my family. I’ll tell you about that little gem in another blog.
I carry a small journal in my purse, I have one in my backpack that I carry around work, I have a pad of paper in the nightstand next to my bed. I even have a small pad in my car. I’ve used them all numerous times. But almost just as many times I haven’t. Like I said before, there are times where I just can’t jot those ideas down because of where I am at and what I am doing. The police do frown upon writing while driving just as much as texting while driving. Still… if you are an aspiring writer please, please, please, even if it’s only a few words to jog your memory, WRITE SOMETHING DOWN!
On that note, while writing this I remembered what it was I was wanting to say earlier. I’ll use it for my blog for tomorrow, which I will jot down a few notes down now so I won’t forget.
Because of allergy issues we are unable to have a real tree. It’s really comes down to two choices. Enjoy Christmas with everyone or be up in my room sick and unable to breath. Soooo fake tree it is!
Usually I manage to put the Christmas tree and decorations up right after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, this year I haven’t been able to. One of the reasons is where we store the tree. It’s a 9 foot pre-lite tree that we put on the top shelf in the garage. In order to get it down, we have to pry it off the shelf, slide it over the rails for the garage door opener then lower it down without dropping it. It takes three people, one ladder and two folding chairs to achieve this feat. Oh! And one person standing on the side directing or taking video. Whichever seems more appropriate at the time. lol
This has become a yearly tradition where my youngest son’s friends come over and wrestle it down. However, they have now gone off to college, so the tree sat on the top shelf, waiting to be brought down, put together, fluffed and plugged in. I even have the Christmas presents wrapped and ready to go.
This week has been very busy. Between work, late meetings and dinners, I really haven’t been home with my enough people to bring the tree down. Until today. 🙂 My hubby and I came home from having a great time with some new friends in Bellevue to find the boys brought down the tree, rearranged the furniture and put the tree up!! They even put the presents under the tree. Best Christmas surprise ever!
When I saw this picture I wondered why more people don’t have these qualities. The ability to love, have patience and understanding. See the beauty around us instead of all the ugliness. To be kind to others even though kindness may not be given. I realize that not everyone can have face every circumstance life throws at us with courage, and strength in any of those qualities can run out rather quickly. Lord knows my patience on some days is very thin, and there are times when forgiveness either takes a very long time or is non-existence.
Faith has many meanings and can be a fickle thing. I have faith that the human race can pretty much screw up anything. However, I also have faith that they can fix it. It may take a while, longer than most people would like, and we will fall on our collective faces numerous times on the way, but we will eventually get there. That is where the patience comes in. As far as Faith in whichever religion you may believe in, you know, it’s okay. As long as you don’t use it as an excuse to annihilate another because they don’t believe exactly the way you do, who am I to tell you how to believe? We should all have the freedom to choose, and to take that freedom away because they don’t see eye to eye with you, in my opinion, is wrong. (There is a can of worms I probably shouldn’t have open. *sigh* Oh well.)
I do want to say thank you to all those who serve in our military forces. Because of you, we have the freedom to live the way we want to, feel the way we want to, say the things we want to say without fear. Thank you for all you sacrifice to keep us safe.
I know I have left a few pieces out of this write. Maybe you can answer for yourself what you are passionate about and motivate yourself to follow that passion. I love to write. Have since I was 14. It’s helped me heal in a lot of ways. But it took a long time before I had the courage to allow others to read that writing. I guess the message here is never give up on your dream. It may take awhile, but eventually you’ll get there. (Huh. Guess I didn’t leave them out. 🙂 )
For a while now, I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not to do a Blog. To be honest, I don’t think my life is that eventful. I wake up, I work, I eat and I sleep. Pretty much the life of most people I would say. So what is so special about my life that I need to shout it out to everyone? I don’t even have strong political views, and to be honest I make it a rule not to get involved in those conversations because it usually ends up in an argument that has no end and no real solution. Same with religion. You have your views, I have mine. They may coincide with each other, they may not, but why take the risk of that argument when someone may decide they don’t want to have anything to do with me. I mean, aren’t we made up of more than our political and religious feelings? I would hope so.
So back and forth I go. Blog. Don’t Blog.
I decided that I would start with my gardening. Talk about some of the projects I’m doing. Show how they are progressing. It worked pretty well, as long as I was gardening. Then spring is over and all that is really left is the maintenance and cave troll expeditions. (Which reminds me. I have a couple I need to route out still. Nasty little beasties!) We have done some other things around the house, but then again do you really want to know about them? I haven’t even Facebooked them to my family and friends because, why?
After reading one of my favorite author’s Blog posts today and how she started out with her Blog, I decided I would try this Blog thing out. Take it for a ride outside of spring time and see how it goes. What will I Blog about? I’m not sure yet. Definitely I will talk about my books and how the next one (Fated to Be) is going. I also am going to try to write once a day. (We’ll see how that goes.) It may be be a Blog or some flash fiction or poem. Just some sort of writing each day. Please bear with me. Where I do like to talk when I become comfortable around others, at first I am a very shy person as I test the waters to see what works and what does not. Then again I tend to stick my foot in my mouth. It really can be a no win situation. LOL
Well, that’s it for now. Because of power outages, our schools are out for the day so I now have time to edit and do a few things around the house. Mostly edit because I am so behind in that department.
Have a wonderful day, and hopefully I will see you all tomorrow. 🙂
“I know what you are thinking,” whispers through the air.
“No you don’t,” I say unsure.
“I know how you feel,” the silky voice breathes.
“You can’t!” I yell spinning around, peering into the murky mist.
“Can you live with your choice knowing the cost? The people you will hurt?”
My silence is greeted with a flash of light, a reflective surface, an image I know too well.
“Will you be able to look upon yourself with pride when others see you with disdain?”
I turn away from those eyes filled with anger, arrogance, and, to my disconcert shame.
“I have done no wrong!” I growl defiantly.
“I see your mind and it is deceiving,” the voice slithers in the inky blackness.
“You lie!”
“Do I?”
Tense silence fills the air.
“Who are you?” I whispered fearfully.
“I am the one who will condemn without reservation, who will haunt your waking dreams!” the voice booms. “I am judge, jury. Executioner!”
Wind whips around me, past sins screaming for absolution, beating at my already battered soul. Covering my ears I try to run, but it is no use for the voices follow, unrelenting.
“You can run, but you can never hide, for we will follow through the edges of time! Speak now and right the wrong or pay the price for a deed black as it is cold.”
“Never!” I scream. Fist clenched, feet apart, I stand my ground, the wind of past sins suddenly silent. Conviction strong, I raise my eyes and voice to the heavens. “If I must pay for returning that which was given freely, then so be it. My conscious is clear.”
“So be it. The choice is made, No turning back. What once was whole is now undone. What once was love now hate is strong. May the Gods have mercy, for the light within is now gone.”
I miss waking up to this every morning, and this is only part of the view. May post more a bit later. Stay safe in all the craziness of Black Friday! Me, I’m staying where it’s safe. On the couch! 😀
Cold
Clear
Cleansing
Washing away the dirt and grime
Washing away grief and pain
Laughter fills the air with glee
Tears of joy given merrily
I see your joy
I feel your pain
Know I will be with you
No matter what causes the rain
To See What I See 