Sitting in the twilight Waiting for the sun Wishing you were here Because without you, life is undone.
We‘ve had our ups, We’ve had our downs, But never will I regret Saying yes to questions renowned Spoken throughout the ages To lovers and sweethearts Of every gender abound. Will you live your life with me? Will you share your hopes and dreams? Will you grow old with me, Until our days end? Will you make the journey of two souls, Through the happy times and the sad? Say yes to all these questions asked And together we will make a beautiful past. I promise you will be my one and only, Because no other will compare To the beauty that is what you are. I will dedicate my life To being your lifeline, your home. All I ask is that you be mine Until the end of our time.
Sitting in the twilight, Wishing you were here. The sun will never rise for me Until you are once again near.
Lately I can’t seem to keep my mind on one thing. I have part of a rough draft I need to edit. At around page 200 of whatever I’m writing I stop at the end of the latest chapter then go back and re-read what I have to make sure everything flows, and to add those elements that came up later as I was writing and need to be introduce at an earlier place. It’s the process I go through. Some may think that doesn’t make sense. Why do I not have an outline? Why don’t I have everything planned out before I write. The answer is simple. I am character driven, and where I may have a general idea of what is going to happen, if I draw out an outline I get the worse case of writers block you can imagine. My mind tries too hard to get from point A to B then to C without deviating that I can’t move forward. So I have a point A and a point Z. Point Z is not set in stone. Hell, point A can change too because somewhere around point L I decide it’s not going to work and re-write it.
So back to the editing. I print out the 200 pages and my goal is to read it through putting in edits as I go. I will not put anything into the computer until those 200 pages are edited on paper. So I started the process, then suddenly, as I am still in chapter 2, I’m re-writing something in chapter 10 because a new idea has hit me and I have to get it down. Then I realize what I have for the last 20 pages is not going to work so my brain starts working on that and the original edit goes out the window until I finish rewriting those pages…. (do you understand my pain now?)
I blame life for this. I am working full time, keeping the house and yard up and planning for a couple of parties. And to top it off I caught the plague that was going around. You see, I work in a school as a Para-educator. I am currently in our local Junior High and honestly it’s like working in a petri dish. Whatever is going around you WILL catch it. Well I caught it and it knocked my on my ass, twice, and gave me a sinuses infection. Yet, you know what? I would not trade my job for the world. I love working with the kids. At this age they always surprise me at some point. Some things are good surprises, some not so good, but I digress. (See! I told you I couldn’t stay on topic!)
Back to my original topic. My mind kept at me saying, “You need to edit!”; “You need to write a blog on ONE of your websites so people know you’re still alive!”; “You need to post on Twitter and Facebook!”; “You need to promote your books!”; “You need to rake the leaves and mow the grass!” (Which hopefully I’ll get to today.) “You just received those books you preordered six months ago on your kindle. Don’t you want to read those?” It all seemed overwhelming so nothing got done.
To top it off, I was not exactly happy with what I had written in book two of Destiny. It just seemed flat to me. Where there were elements of excitement, it was not exciting enough. There was too much drama and not enough action. But for the life of me I could not figure out how to fix it. Then in the English class at school the kids started a new projected. They were to write a story about a “Hero’s Journey.” Now this could be about a super hero or it could be about the guy next door that suddenly had to save the neighborhood from the evil trash collector. This was something I could sink my teeth into. Something I knew how to do. Ask me about algebra and I will blink blanking at you and run for the “How to do algebra” website for help. Writing? This I knew how to do!
It’s been a study in biting my lip so I do not interrupt the teacher. I love the English teacher I work with. She is fun, engaging, will not take any crap from her students yet let them voice their opinions freely (no matter how silly it may be) and not make them feel stupid. And she’s really good at her job. My son had her in 8th and 9th grade and she is one of his favorite teachers from school. My education in writing consists of what I learned in high school, from books I have read on the subject and what I have read for my own pleasure. I have been writing since the 8th grade and as I grew older learned more and more. Going through this class with the now 8th graders, listening to the teacher as she explained what is needed for a good story (things I already knew but for some reason needed to hear again) the damn broke in my writer’s block. I knew now what I needed to change and what I needed to add. All things in the books I had written before but for some reason while writing this book I had left out.
So, instead of editing like I planned, different parts of the book and what I need to add or change to those parts are being done. And not necessarily in order of the books timeline. But that’s okay. As long as the finished product makes sense and entertains then all is good.
I also want to thank that English teacher. You have been an immense help in this process of writing book two of the Destiny trilogy/series. (Not sure yet which it will be. Ooh! Need a new title too. Hmmm……)
Off to rake leaves and think. Have a wonderful day!
I walk this path
Through orange and red
Down leaf strewn road
To winter’s bed.
With sleepy eyes
I gaze to the sky
Wondering what will come
When life springs high.
Will love return
Burn long and true,
Or will the sun’s rays
Burn too bright
Turning life into ashes
Bitter brew?
So I walk
One step, one time
Unto mysteries untold
Words swirling in my head
Waiting to be said.
I do not pause
On my journey’s trail
To ponder these words,
My future entails.
For Destiny’s mystery
Cannot be solved
With simple words
In rhyme or prose.
I try to understand,
To forgive myself for what I have cause,
To not blame you.
I try to hold onto the love that binds me to you,
But sometimes it is too much.
Sometimes the self-loathing hinders me,
Blinds me to the truth.
Sometimes I am not sure I can remember,
That you are my life,
My soul,
My love.
Sometimes I wonder if it is enough,
That you can ever forgive me,
That you still love me as I love you.
Sometimes I wonder if you can still,
Be mine.
Jamie to Emma (Destiny)
Just thought I would give a little preview to the first book of my new series Destiny that is about to come out in June. This is chapter 1. The prologue is on my other web site if you are interested.
When Jamie Kessler saw Emma Givens walking down the hall on his first day of school, he thought she was an angel. Her long dark auburn hair, her beautiful green eyes that sparkled like emeralds when she smiled at something someone said to her as she passed by entranced him. Introducing himself to her sounded like a good idea, until someone next to him saw what he was looking at with obvious longing.
“I wouldn’t,” Joe Wallace warned as he started to work the combination to his locker next to Jamie’s. They had been introduced in the office. Since they had the first class together Joe was given the privilege of showing Jamie around.
“Why? Is she taken?” Jamie asked his eyes never leaving Emma. His answer came when a tall blonde, obviously one of the local jocks, walked up behind her sliding his arms around her waist pulling her back against him. It was a possessive move, and when Emma smiled up at the boy, Jamie noticed that the light had gone out of her eyes.
“That’s Marc White with her,” Joe answered Jamie’s frown.
“She doesn’t seem very happy to be with him,” Jamie said.
Joe looked at the couple and sighed. “She’s not,” he said quietly. “But there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“We?”
“Darren Mackenzie, me, and a few other friends Emma used to hang out with,” Joe answered turning his attention back to his locker and its contents. “Marc has made it very clear she belongs to him, and we are to stay away from her,” he finished angrily throwing his books into the locker.
Jamie frowned at the couple who were now walking towards them holding hands. Emma glanced at Jamie, giving him a small smile. When he returned it, Marc pulled her tightly against his side glowering at him with a look that promised violence if he even tried to talk to her.
“Wow,” Jamie breathed.
“Yeah,” Joe agreed slamming his locker shut. “It’s killing Darren that he can’t help her.”
“Were you both close to Emma?”
“Darren and Emma have been inseparable since birth. I moved into town when I was ten. We’ve been a team, for lack of a better word, ever since. We did everything together. Now Marc won’t let either of us anywhere near her. Even threatened to hurt her if we tried. Hurting her is the last thing we want to do, but it’s hard to just sit and watch him control her. And Darren….”
As if conjured by his name, Darren Mackenzie rounded the corner almost running into Marc and Emma. Instantly the tension in the hall rose to a level that had everyone’s attention as the two men glared at each other from only a foot apart.
“Shit,” Joe hissed moving towards them.
Jamie stood where he was, watching as everyone in the hall unconsciously moved back, forming a loose circle around the three.
“Mackenzie,” Marc practically snarled. If a name could be a threat, Marc had just managed it.
Darren’s eyes narrowed dangerously at Marc before he turned them to Emma. Instantly they soften. “Emma?” he said quietly, as if he was begging with her to listen to some unsaid plea.
Emma clutched her books to her chest pointedly looking at some spot on the floor. Jamie could see the look of helplessness in Darren’s expression, in his eyes. He wanted to help her, but by refusing to acknowledge he was standing in front of her, she was telling him she did not want his help.
The smile on Marc’s face as he slowly wrapped his arm around Emma drawing her closer to his side was the most evil thing Jamie had ever seen. Darren stiffened, his eyes darting back to Marc’s in hatred. Suddenly Joe was in-between them.
“Don’t, Darren,” Joe warned putting a hand on Darren’s chest. “It’s what he wants.”
The expression on Joe’s face told Jamie he was not happy about what he was seeing anymore than Darren was, but if Emma did not want their help there was nothing they could do.
It took a few moments before Darren’s body finally relaxed and he let Joe turn him around, pushing him back down the hall away from Marc and Emma.
“It must kill you Mackenzie to know she’s mine,” Marc called, his voice taunting. Darren froze. Joe let out a low hissing curse. “That’s she’s mine to hold, to kiss, to…fuck.”
Chaos ensued.
Everyone scrambled to get out of the way as Darren launched himself at Marc, slamming him against the nearest lockers. Jamie found himself helping Joe pull Darren off of Marc and across the hall into the adjacent lockers, but not before Darren had managed to get in a few good hits. Two others held Marc who was snarling and spitting blood.
“Let me go!” Marc roared.
“I will kill you if you touch her again,” Darren snarled trying to shake off the ones that held him.
Suddenly Emma was between them.
“Stop!” she commanded holding her arms out, palms up toward them. “Please,” she added to Darren her eyes imploring him to do as she asked.
Darren stopped fighting to get free but his body remained tense. “I won’t allow him to talk about you like that,” he said glaring at Marc.
“You can’t allow me anything,” Marc sneered. “She’s mine, Mackenzie. I can do whatever I want to her. Emma!”
The last was a command so sharp Emma jumped. The fear on her face as she slowly lowered her arms turned all three men’s stomachs. The look she gave Darren was so lost that Joe and Jamie had to use their entire body to hold him to the lockers so he would not interfere. Then she turned and walked to Marc.
Shaking off the men holding him, Marc wiped the blood from his mouth as he watched her with such ownership Jamie heard Darren grind his teeth in anger.
When Emma was close enough, Marc reached out and pulled her harshly to him. Wrapping one arm around her waist and tangling the other hand in her hair, his eyes found Darren’s as he lowered his face to hers. The kiss could only be described as Marc demonstrating to everyone in the hallway his dominance over Emma. She was his therefore he could kiss her as if he would climb down her throat, no matter who was watching.
The act was so sudden, so shocking, that all anyone could do was watch, until Emma began to whimper in pain. Before Darren could react Marc released her lips. His eyes daring Darren to say something as he held Emma to him, her body visibly shaking.
“Stay away from her,” Marc warned his eyes narrowing in hatred. Then he looked at the girl in his arms, his voice and eyes softening. “Are you all right?” he asked.
Emma slowly nodded her head.
Sliding his arm around her waist in support, Marc helped her to where they had dropped their books. Making sure she was steady on her feet, he let go to pick them up. Holding both stacks in one arm, he once again slipped the other around her waist and they disappeared around the corner.
“Shit!” Jamie breathed into the silence that followed.
“You going to be okay?” Joe asked Darren his voice full of concern as he and Jamie stepped back to give him some room.
Darren just nodded his head. Leaning back against the lockers, hands on his hips, Darren closed his eyes and hung his head. He knew Emma wanted to be free of that bastard, but Marc had tied their hands. Unless they found something to get the police involved it was too dangerous to try and take her from him.
“There must be something you can do,” Jamie said echoing his thoughts.
“Not unless there is some physically abuse that we can prove, but he’s too careful,” Darren said tiredly.
“And he won’t let any of us near her,” Joe added. “The only time he leaves her alone is at night when she’s at home, and that is starting to become rare. If he is not on the phone with her, he is on the computer with the web cam on so he can see she is alone.”
“There has to be something,” Jamie said. He did not know these people very well, but he knew abuse when he saw it. Marc may or may not be physically abusing Emma, but his possessiveness, his need to control her every move was a form of mental abuse. Usually the physical stuff came soon after.
“I may have found something,” a new voice said quietly. They turned to see Kim Harmon – another friend Marc had managed to push away from Emma – walking up to them with a grim look on her face. “You need to see this.” She handed Darren a piece of paper.
“Shit,” Darren said standing straight, horror in his eyes. “Where did you find this?”
“I was in the library working on a paper for CWP. I got distracted by this website about wanted criminals. This came up while I was looking through the wanted posters,” she answered grimly.
Grabbing the paper from Darren, the color drained from Joe’s face as he read the fine print. “We need to show this to the principal,” he said.
“No,” Darren answered. “If Marc gets wind that we know about this he’ll run with Emma. With this we can finally go to the police and free her in a way that won’t end with any of us, or her, dead.”
From the moment she saw him, Keisha knew he would be trouble, but did she listen to herself. No. The vow she would fall for no man’s charms, that she would keep her strength of mind and stay her course failed the moment she looked at him. Damn him! This was not in her plan. Not after that self-centered cheating son-of-bitch she had been all ready to marry had torn her heart out and stomped all over it. Yet here she was again. Falling for another man. If she thought about it, which she tried not to, she really had no choice in the matter. Those long lean legs, a body any man would kill for, dark hair that fell artfully stopping just before it touched his shoulders, the chiseled features, and the eyes. God those eyes. They looked into hers and burned a path straight to her heart and things lower. Smoldering smoky hazel eyes that laid her bare.
Nope. She had no chance at all and now she was stuck. Stuck with all that six foot of yumminess for a dinner date and possibly a movie. They would see where the night took them. Considering the day had been beyond gorgeous, and nothing had gone wrong at work unlike it usually did. In fact, it was pretty darn perfect. Just like him. They were too perfect. There had to be something evil waiting in the shadows ready to pounce and rain all over what had been a beautiful parade. Yep, tonight she would find out that all that yummy packaging held a monster ready to pounce on his next victim. Well, she would see about that. She was no kitten cowering in the corner. No, she was a tigress with her own claws and teeth. Bring it on! She would show him what a real woman was made of. Make an example of him for others of his kind to see.
Smiling into the mirror, she thought she was dressed perfectly for the trap. Her blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun with tendrils falling around her face, dark red lipstick, shadowy eyes makeup (two could play at that game) making her vibrant light blue eyes pop. The perfect little black dress that length barely reached her fingertips, and her stilettos. Her feet would be killing her in the end but if all went as she knew it would, it would all be worth it.
Once again smiling that evil smile that sent her friends and family running for cover, she grabbed her clutch and walked out her apartment door, ready for battle.
————–
Chad gave the keys to the valet and walked purposely into the restaurant where he was to meet the woman who had haunted his dreams for the last week. Keisha Belmont. All of five foot nine, most of it legs he had dreamt of wrapping around him more times than he wished, with blonde hair and blue eyes that trapped him in their snare the moment they locked onto his. A body he wanted to know more about in a way that was not healthy. Having just come out of a bad relationship, he was not looking for another anytime soon, but from the first moment he had seen her, heard her laughter, he was entranced. When he had asked around about her, he was surprised to find she was unattached. Someone that beautiful had to have men waiting in the wings. But like him, her relationship had ended recently and badly. Neither one of them was ready for another relationship. Something that she made very clear when she had first refused his offer to take her out to dinner. But he was anything if not persistent, and by the end of the evening he had his date.
Keisha. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful lady. But he vowed he would not let her beauty sway him. This entire week he went back and forth, first wanting the date then not wanting it yet never cancelling. He had even tried a few times. Had his phone in his hand with her number on the screen, but he just could not hit the little green button that would dial her number. And now was the night that would reveal all. Would they end the night by walking away nothing more than acquaintances, or would there be more?
God, he so did not this kind of complication right now. He was just getting his life back together from the last catastrophe that almost broke him in more ways than one. He did not need to make matters worse by adding to his already shambles of a life. First he needed to get his business back on track, then, maybe, he could think of a relationship.
The maître d` took his coat and lead him to the table he had reserved. This was the most posh restraint in the city and he was almost embarrassed to admit he was a regular. Luckily he had squirreled money away for a rainy day. Far from poor, actually he was pretty damn rich, he still had to be careful. One wrong move and he could lose everything. Something he was not ready to do.
After ordering his favorite wine, he sat down and once again started second guessing the wisdom of this date. Then she walked in the doorway and all thought of any kind slipped right out of his head. He watched with what he knew had to be a dumbfounded expression as she talked to the maître d` who pointed her to his table. With a smile that would melt the Artic, she thanked the man then began walking towards him, her expression one of fierce determination.
When Chad slowly rose to his feet, his eyes never leaving hers, he thought he saw her step falter. He definitely saw her eyes go from his head to his feet and back taking in every inch of him. He knew he looked good in his black Armani suit, but it did no justice to what she was wearing. Once she reached him all he could do was stare into those beautiful blue eyes. It took the waiter three times to clear his throat before either of them realized he was trying to get their attention.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Chad stuttered. “Please. Sit down.”
Keisha could only manage a nod and a shy smile before she practically fell into her chair. It was a miracle she kept her knees from buckling when she saw him sitting at the table, and he seemed just as enthralled with her as she was with him. When he finally sat down across from her the waiter again had to clear his throat to get their attention.
“Yes, wine please,” Chad once again stuttered glancing sheepishly at the waiter than back to her. “You? Want wine I mean?” Great. Now he sounded like a complete idiot. To his surprise Keisha only smiled warmly at him.
“Yes. Please,” she said shyly.
As the waiter poured the wine, both of then thought if there was such a thing as love at first sight, this had to be it.
To See What I See 