Why? ~ Grief’s If Only

On February 1, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry4 Comments

Image: We Heart It Grief — Image: We Heart It
Grief

The signs were all there…

Why didn’t I see them?

I could have stopped this from happening

if I had just followed what my gut was trying to tell me.

I should have told him to watch her,

that something was not right,

but I knew he would never listen.

Too much anger between us.

Too much bitterness.

Why didn’t I see them?

Looking back the signs are so clear.

Her mention of ghosts

and if we believed in them.

Knowing from experience that loved ones

long passed,

come when the end is near.

The way she said she did not want to go,

like she knew she was not coming back.

The spurt of unease that I chose to ignore

as a mother’s always present protectiveness

for her child.

Why?

Why didn’t I listen?

If I had….

Why?

Grief Consumes

On January 25, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry4 Comments

I reach for you

you are no longer there.

I call for you

but you no longer answer.

The cold seeps in

as darkness surrounds me.

Voices in the shadows

call to me

begging me to come home

but I can’t.

There is no home for me

not without you.

The light begs to come in

seeping through the dark

breaking the cocoon keeping the pain out.

I will not let it in.

I am safe here

I will wait here

I will…..

Anger’s Pain

On January 24, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry2 Comments

Why?

Why did you stay late?

Why didn’t you come home like you promised?

What could have possible been so important

that you broke that promise?

Why did you leave me?

No…

why did YOU take him from me?

What did he do that was so horrible

his life must be cut short?

What have I done to deserve this pain?

I don’t understand!

All loving

all knowing

all…..

I hate you.

You took everything from me

and now I am nothing.

Nothing….

Denial

On January 24, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry2 Comments

No.

You’re wrong.

He’s not gone.

He would not leave me,

not like this.

There has to be some mistake!

Silence

It’s there, in their eyes.

Sadness,

pain,

fear.

It can’t be true.

I look at the clock and smile.

He will be home soon.

Then they will see that they are wrong.

Yes,

anytime now the door will open and he will walk through,

smiling that smile that melts my heart.

We will laugh at the joke.

You’ll see.

Anytime now….

Any…

time….

Earth

On January 15, 2014January 16, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry6 Comments

Walking forwards,

the past behind me

the future unknown.

Hard lessons have been learned,

yet I know more are to come.

As winters melts

and spring is reborn,

I draw strength from the earth

under my toes.

The knowledge that

no matter how hard I fight,

how hard I deny,

life will keep moving forward.

It is my choice whether I move with it

or stay locked in time,

forever lost in pain.

I chose life,

because deep inside I know

that death is a step towards

something wonderful,

something more.

Like the cycles of the earth

where the winter is harsh and cold,

the plants and animals sleep

a dreamless sleep

until spring begins anew

and their journey resumes.

One day it will be my turn,

and as my bones nourish the earth,

giving back what has been taken,

I know I will see you again,

in another place,

another time

smiling at me with that special smile

all my own.

The grass under my toes

roots deep and firm,

feed me strength so I can carry on

until that day we are together again.

My heart heals,

life returns.

I am ready,

I am reborn

into the circle of life once more.

Remember

On January 10, 2014 By HeidiIn Poetry2 Comments

It hurts.

With every breath,

every thought,

my body, my mind

my soul hurts.

When will I feel whole again?

How will I survive without you?

You were my rock,

my reason to get up in the morning,

to fight for those who depend on me.

Now I feel nothing but pain.

How do I rebuild a life

that was centered around you?

How do I stop the hurt?

My darling

my love

my life.

Remember

I am never far from you.

I will be there when you are broken,

I will be there when you are healed.

You are a part of me

as I am a part of you.

Take a moment to just breathe.

Take that first step towards the horizon

knowing that you are not alone.

You will never be alone.

Remember

that I will always be with you

in your heart.

This poem was written shortly after my great-aunt passed away. Her daughter was having a difficult time and having been through loss more times than I would like to count I understood what she was going through. I truly believe that there is more after this life and that our loved ones never truly leave us, just like I believe we will once again be reunited.

One Step

On December 30, 2013December 30, 2013 By HeidiIn Poetry5 Comments

Taking one step at a time,

the world seeming big

my courage small.

Do I dare chance

feeling the pain?

Do I put myself out there

when I know what awaits me?

My heart is barely healed

yet I cannot bear the silence alone.

So I take one step into the unknown,

put my heart in jeopardy.

Try to relearn how to live,

how to breathe without you.

Days, years, of darkness

the sun is bright.

I shy away,

fear holding me back

from what I know I need to do.

A warm hand,

a gentle smile

and I know I am not alone.

My pain shared

with knowledge bittersweet.

My heart forever pieces missing

I will survive,

I will go on.

True love a distant memory,

never forgotten

yet not impossible.

One step at a time

until we meet again.

This was inspired by a story I am writing from a free write. If you would like to follow the story you can go here to read the chapter 1 of It Happened at Sunrise one Christmas Morn. I will post chapters as I write them. This will be the rough draft. Depending on how things go I will publish the final draft on Kindle.

There is another story there, Forever Lost, that started the same way. As I am polishing it up I am learning more so the final draft will be a bit different the rough draft on my site.

Not Alone

On December 18, 2013December 31, 2013 By HeidiIn Poetry5 Comments

When the hits keep coming

How do I keep upright

When all I want is to lay down?

How do I win

When all is against me?

How do I learn to love

When my heart is shattered?

My faith is hanging by a thread,

Fingers bloody and torn.

It would be easy to let go,

Fall into darkness

Let despair swallow me whole.

Light extinguished for all time.

Remember you are not alone.

There are those who have suffered

Felt the despair

The grief

The loneliness.

Learn what time has taught them.

Learn life goes on

Though it feels like the end.

Learn that when faith seems shattered

It is only around the bend,

Waiting for you to reclaim.

And most of all

Remember

You are not alone

To See What I See

Tag: Grief

Why? ~ Grief’s If Only

Grief Consumes

Anger’s Pain

Denial

Earth

Remember

One Step

Not Alone